The blues

Got the blues today. I had been in a good mood, and doing well. I knew I would miss dau, but I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. Last year this happened, but I didn’t know why. We were all kinda blue around here. I know a mom shouldn’t have such a tie to her dau, but I really depended on her for a lot of emotional support. I wish I could find an adult friend I could confide in like I confide in her.

I told hub last night, I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to in my day. I shouldn’t be so selfish, but I don’t care for my job, my home life is dull, I don’t enjoy TV… I do have an issue with depression. Always have, all my life. I know diet and exercise go a long way to correct that, but when I feel blue I don’t want to eat right, and I don’t feel like exercising. Well, I rarely feel like exercising. I have to make myself do it.

It was easy when dau would say, Mom, can we go for a walk?

NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE asks me that now. I have asked hub and son, and sometimes they will agree to go on a walk with me, but I know they are doing it for me (which I appreciate) but they don’t particularly enjoy it. Dau enjoyed it. Maybe even more than I did. She would tell me all about stuff, and I could confide in her too. I have friends who take walks, and I need to call some of them and get something worked out. Especially one friend I really enjoy. Her son went out with dau, so I hope there are no hard feelings. I like her son and I like her, but I think dau broke his heart. She tried not to, but she did. So, yeah, I should just call her anyway. I have called before and she hasn’t gotten back to me. But she had a wedding going on in her family, and very, very busy. We were 2nd hand verbally invited to a BBQ the weekend of the wedding, but we were also IN another wedding the same weekend and went to the rehearsal dinner and stuff for that one.

I am so socially retarded, I never know what to do. Sigh.

faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.