liberty and celebration

i so much looked forward to the weekend, and now i feel let down. i worked my 2nd job yesterday evening. i was going to quit there, but they asked me to stay on call. they have been calling and calling, but i have not had time. I was on vaca for 2 weeks from my regular job so i had a lot of catching up to do. that plus housework, laundry, etc.

when we got home from vaca, i let dau do her laundry so we could move her back to univ. needless to say, mine didn’t get done. thankfully i had someone come in and clean or i would be doing that right now. i have stuff to do, i am just vegging out i guess.

i called dau about something and she returned the call. she sounded down. she was with her bf so i didn’t want to ask about it. he is dreamy. very nice and good to her. he is very serious also. she is very young. she really likes him, but she is not ready to be that serious. she has gone out with guys before, but never fell for one of them, until now.

she has a demanding schedule. hub and i were talking about that. i said it is probably good or she would just hang out with bf. although, he is a great influence. i really like him a lot. we got to spend a little time with him a few weeks ago, just visiting.

i feel very mixed up.

mixed up.

mixed up.

once again, i am missing my best friend, my dau. this summer we had more fun together than we ever have. i was able to confide in her and work out some very difficult issues. we went on walks almost every day. i so looked forward to it. she told me all about her feelings in this relationship as it is new to her.

she used to write all these lyrics to love songs, but it was so obvious she didn’t know what she was talking about. she just used her imagination and tried to imagine what it felt like to get your heart broken. of course, she is very tender hearted and she had her heart broken even without being “in love.”

she guarded her heart with care, and i think she still does. even now. she is very careful. this guy has basically said he wants to propose, but she has said, not now, no. it freaks her out. but at the same time, she wants things to work out that way in the end. she is just not ready yet.

but i diverge. i am just missing her, missing my walking and talking buddy. she is too busy to talk to now. she is swamped in studies and landed principal position in the top ensemble so she will be practicing a lot. any time she has left, she wants to spend with her bf, and i totally understand.

we took him to the airport one time, and we were all standing around. he and she were kind of awkwardly trying to say goodbye out on the sidewalk. i said, “carry this stuff in for him and come back.” you should have seen the look on his face. He just grinned! so he had a chance to kiss her good bye without mom and dad watching. lol. yeah.

one time he visited her at her grandparents. the ppl he was with were leaving now so he had to go. of course, the grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, you name it, all went out to say goodbye. well, they couldn’t just kiss goodbye with everyone looking on. i planned on just staying inside, cuz i know how it is. but, no, everyone was out by the car saying goodbye. lol. kind of funny actually, but they really wanted to spend some time together – alone – and didn’t get to. now they can spend all the time they want (within reason).

i just hope things work out ok. i don’t want either one of them to get hurt. if it doesn’t work out, it will be hurtful. she has let down more of her guard for him than for anyone, and he has just opened himself up to really be hurt if she stomps on his heart.

she told her previous bf that she didn’t want to go out with him (the prev bf) but that she would agree to it if he understood that it could be short lived and she could dump him at any time. she told this bf about that. when he asked her out, she said yes, and he said, is this the part where you tell me that it could be short lived and you could dump me at any time? She told him, no, i would never say that to you.

i don’t know. all summer long i wanted her to go back to univ, cuz she was missing it, didn’t want to be here and was kind of bored. but we made things work out. we planned things, we had fun conversations. she didn’t work much so she was frustrated she didn’t make much money. she had several trips planned so it was difficult to find an employer who would just want someone sporadically. but now she is gone… and i really don’t want her to come back, it is just that it leaves this empty spot in my daily life. no hugs. no talks. no walks. at least not from or with her.

she is my hero. i know that is not really appropriate, but she is. hub gets upset that she confides in me and doesn’t tell him “everything.” she doesn’t tell me everything, but i am very careful what i do with that information. i try my best not to repeat it… i like to type it in here cuz no one knows her or me or anyone involved.

she saw him about one week before she moved back to univ. in that time, he was out of town, and wrote her two letters. one was just about stuff. the other one, she said, was a “love” letter. she said, oh mom, i can’t even tell you about it, but i just melted.

she is not the sappy type. very sensitive but very guarded. sappy usually turns her off completely. he has run up against it several times where she says it reminds her of some previous sappy bf situation and bothers her. but generally, this guy can do no wrong. and every thing she relates to me is appropriate, respectful and just downright beautiful. hard to believe guys like that exist. i want so much for her to have the very best and not settle for less. this would be it. i just hope he can wait for her.

her auntie said she knew dau was too young, but hoped she realized what kind of quality guy she had there. hoped she wouldn’t let him “go.” i agree. that was about the best way to put it.

he will move far, far away in about a year. i told dau, i really liked him but i didn’t like that he would be the one to take her far, far away from me. she said, mom, i was going to go far, far away anyway. true. it was a hard day when i realized that. this parenthood thing goes in stages. each one building on the previous. each one hard to adjust to but yet liberating and celebratory.

good words… i surprise myself.

faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.