feeling isolated

It is snowing again.  I thought we were done with snow.  It is beautiful.  But, it makes me feel more isolated.

This COVID19 has done a number on the freedoms we so took for granted.  Like going out to eat.  I actually was’t feeling to go out to eat anyway, but having it snatched away as a choice is a weird feeling.  Having the stores run out of toilet paper.  Why?  Seriously.  I generally stock up anyway, but I was on the low side.  Not going to go buy some now because perhaps someone is truly OUT of toilet paper and they can have the last package.  Even Amazon, out of toilet paper.  How weird is that?  New way to take over the world is to control all the toilet paper, ha ha ha!  SMH

If I weren’t dealing with depression this would not be a big deal.  For the last few months I have been in a creative slump.  Not feeling free to create.  Otherwise, being stuck in my home would not present a problem.  I have art supplies to last a year probably.  And if I run out of a color, I can order online or do without.  Might make some interesting pieces if I have to challenge myself to go without certain colors.  Who knows.

At least the little lake outside my window has thawed so I can see the water moving across the surface again.

I am thankful for many things:  My memories, the heat in my home (or AC in summer), fresh air when it happens to not be humid out, the little lake I like to view with its occasional waterfowl visiting (Oh, we had a little diver duck hanging out with some mallards the last few days.  Fun to watch it dive in and reemerge somewhere else.  I have always been fascinated by those.  We saw a few in Prescott AZ when we visited a few weeks ago.)  We have mallards, geese and heron along with a few other odds and ends here and there.  I do miss the sunshine of AZ.  I take Vitamin D supplements and I believe they help.  I miss the home of my dreams that I had for 20 years, although most would consider my current home to be nicer.  It is bigger and has a lovely little lake view.  I do appreciate it.

If I could shake off this dumpy funk I would go downstairs and paint.  I might go paint anyway.  Action brings about inspiration, not the other way around, I heard.  It is likely true.

I am thankful I did go to the grocery store and stock up on many food items before people went berzerk and bought up all the toilet paper.  One store was out of fresh vegetables.  Another store had a great plenty fresh veggies but the frozen section was picked over pretty well.  I am not a hoarder, but I am plenty prepared for a couple weeks.  This is surreal.  There are not even any cases in our immediate area ,and we are all holed up in our houses unless one happens to get to go to work.  Schools are closed.  Restaurants and Bars closed after today.  Library closed.  YMCA still open but they cancelled classes so I won’t go.  It is snowing and cold so I won’t go for a walk either.  I can ride my bike on its trainer in the basement or do some exercises on a yoga matt.  I have little weights.  I am not an exercise person, but endorphins are pretty important when dealing with depression.  If this prevents spread, it is worth it.  But it has a strange story-like feeling to it that is hard to believe.