dr

I went to the doctor the other day. I am on antidepressants and have been for years. He changed offices so we started all over with medical records. Bad relations with the other dr office. anyway…

I was saynig how unhappy I was wiht my job. So we talked about that. I said I really liked my other job, but I really was not “happyier” then. I mean, my job stresses me out and I don’t like it, but the blues hang on no matter what teh circumstances. I didn’t really realize that. He asked a bunch on good questions and yeah, I know I am depressed. It is livable, and circumstances really don’t change it much. I asked him if that was weird. The more I got to thinking about it, that is what makes depression different than just having a hard time. You get over hard times, feeling blue, etc. What I have just kinda lingers. Like I told him, being on this med doesn’t take it away, but it makes a bad day just that. A bad day. A bad day used to turn into weeks of not being able to function. Now a bad day may last all day or two days even, but usually I spring back, and feel like myself, whatever that is.

I am not meaning to complain. I have come to accept that is the way it is. not that it can’t get better, or that I can’t be completely free of it, but the fact that it is there, I learn to deal and realize that it’s not my fault. I can’t help the way I “feel.” Circumstances don’t help the way I feel, at least not in the long run.

Work is looking slightly more optimistic. I guess it is because we are finally catching up with orders from October. Finally. Now, when we take an order, we still don’t know when the customer might get it, but we know that it won’t be 2 months.

My job makes me so tired, but if I didn’t have it, what would I do? I don’t enjoy much for activities. I walk. I dunno. Not much interests me. Once my kids are gone I am hoping I don’t get worse. i don’t think I will. I think it will be a bad couple of months once sonshine moves away, but it will pass.

Dau is talking like she is going to get married within a couple of years. This is a big deal. The girl who didn’t think she would ever get married, wouldn’t let any guy that close to her. Miss independence. The guy she si dating is a gem of gems. Very good to her. Very smart, talented, nice looking, you name it. But he is real. He has his flaws, and he is kinda funny. He is kinda cocky, but also very considerate of ppl. Weird combination.

He came here over Christmas break and stayed at our house a few days. One evening when he was joking around, I said, “you are obnoxious!” His answer? “You have no idea!” LOL. I really like him a lot. He will be good to dau no matter how old they get. He is geniune.

She tells me the subject of marriage comes up again and again. he is ready, she is NOT. She wants him, but it freaks her out because it is not something she ever gave much thought to, thihnking it was a LONG, LONG way off.

Sonshine has always been the sappy one. He always imagines himself providing for a wife. He is such a sweetie. I hope he finds a good girl. He has a cruch on a flitry girl now, and I hope he gets through that OK. He wants to date her, but knows that he really doesn’t want to.

Well, I apoloize if lotsa typos. I have my glasses off and I can barely see the screen.

G’Night.

faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.