Unhappy Anniversary

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my son Austin’s death.  Of course, almost nothing else has been on my mind today.  It’s all mixed up with worrying about Brad, staying upbeat for Brian, and trying to stay focused at work. 

Nothing new on the Brad front.  I saw him for just a second, but he didn’t speak to me, I dropped of a soda for him and his brother on the way home from work.  Brian had walked down to see him.  I just handed him the soda, told them I loved them and came home.  Neither son has any idea of the significance of tomorrow for me, it’s not a date they would remember, they were only small boys when Austin died.

I did find out something positive last night.  Two neighborhood kids told me that Brad’s best friend Dylan has been trying to talk sense to him. With Dylan own background, that’s a quarter I never expected help from.  Dylan has had his own issues with substance abuse over the last few years, been mostly homeless and generally a bad influence.  In the t few last months, he’s been trying to get things together for himself, but I didn’t think he would ever speak honestly to Brad about all this.  Maybe Brad will hear him where he won’t listen to me.   A parent’s voice is too often drowned out before it ever reaches their ears.  I have often felt like the adults in the old Peanuts cartoons.  I’m speaking with eloquence and authority, making a case that would sway the Supreme Court, and all my kids hear is, "wah wah wah wah…."   In the words of the immortal Charlie Brown, "Good Grief".

Anyway, it’s almost nine thirty, and I have to be up at three am for work, so I’m going to bed.  Have a wonderful day tomorrow.