Joys of Parenting…again

Well, it just couldn’t last.  Brad asked to borrow my van last week to take a friend home.  Two hours later, he wasn’t back, wouldn’t return calls, etc.  When he finally did come home, I went to my van to get some things out, and found a card from a smoke shop where the teenagers go to buy "fake bake" or synthetic marijuana.  He denied it.   He’s been ditching school, lying, etc. again out of the blue.

When he didn’t go to school this morning and refused to return my calls, I finally texted him and told him to either come home immediately and talk to me, or return the pickup, pack his clothes and leave.  I’m having a REALLY difficult time with this.  Of course, he couldn’t take the talking route, he elected to leave.  I’m sure he expects that after a few days I will start feeling guilty and let him come back home and start the cycle all over again.  He’s right about the first part, but not the second.  I do feel guilty to an extent because I never thought I would have to give one of my sons such an ultimatum, but at some point I have to draw a line in the sand and say "no more".  

He’s been hanging around all his old crowd, each and every one a drug addict.  He says he isn’t doing anything, but if you waddle, quack and swim with ducks, chances are you are a duck too.

I’m upset right now, of course.  It tears my heart out for things to come to this, but I am determined not to lose my resolve.  I told him last time he came home, that it was the last time I would do this, so no matter what I can’t let him back home.  He has to live with the full consequences of his actions.  No more help from this quarter can be forthcoming, other than fervent prayer which is a daily, usually several times daily, action where he is concerned.

I hope at some point soon, he will figure out that his life is going nowhere and that he does something about it.  I wish he had accepted my help rather than use me as a base of operations.  I hope for and wish for so many things, but they all revolve around his welfare and that of his brothers.  Someday he will understand.

I’m going to sign off now, I don’t want to sit here and bring myself down more by dwelling on all this too much.  I am going to get things ready to make dinner for Brian and myself, and try to have a decent evening together.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers if you would.  I’ll update again soon, but for now I think I want to retreat from the world for a few days.