jdf1960

February 3, 2013

I Pulled a Dirty Trick

…on Bradley. He went to a friends house on Friday and came back looking very obviously stoned. I confronted him, he denied it, and said he had only had couple of beers before DRIVING HOME, as though that were more acceptable somehow. Then last night I opened a letter from school stating that they are about to drop him from the REACH program, which is a last chance program for students who have had trouble in school with attendance, grades, behavior, etc., because he hasn’t been meeting the minimum attendance requirements. He said he didn’t mention it to me because it didn’t matter, he went 19 hours for the week, so they were going to give him credit for the extra hour. My rule when he came back is that his butt is in the seat from 8:30am until 3pm every day, or I sell the pickup and he moves out. He must also stay clean and sober.

Brandon, my oldest, has been asked to run for County Commissioner, but has been told that his brother may be a liability due to his known association with local drug users and drug dealers. Brad doesn’t seem to care and won’t stop hanging around them, sneaking around while I’m gone to hang out with them.

So, in a last ditch effort to help him without having to throw him out of the house, I called a Marine recruiter and made an appointment for tomorrow evening to go speak to them with him. He doesn’t know it yet. I’m meeting him for lunch at school in about an hour and a half and will tell him then. The recruiter is going to call and speak to him this afternoon and hopefully he’ll go for it. If not, I’m going to give him the rest of the week to find a place to live and call it a day on the stress and drama at home. I don’t care at this point how unreasonable or controlling I seem, he’s headed down a path of self-destruction for himself, and now his actions are impacting on his older brother’s aspirations. That’s just unacceptable to me, so if he wants my help he’s going to do it my way, all the way. No excuses and no deviations from the rules I lay down, or else.

So, here are my rules as I lay them down for the boys. Only the last one listed is new, tell me if I sound unreasonable in any way:

1. Go to school on time and do your work.

2. Do not use any type of mind altering substances

3. Text or call me to let me know where you are when you are not home

4. Help with keeping the kitchen and living room areas clean. Each person does it once every three days, giving us each a rotating schedule on cleaning. Each person is responsible for their own bedroom and baths.

5. (BRAD ONLY) If you want a home, vehicle, cell phone, and help paying off your fines, you will make a commitment to the military, and avoid all acquaintances that use any type of mind altering substance from now until you leave home.

I really hope he takes the option to join. At this point I don’t think he’s going to do any better unless he gets as far away from his life here as possible. After all, he’s broken every guideline above that I set out, and until the last one, there were only four, and none of them all that difficult to adhere to in my mind.

Orange Sorbet

February 4, 2013

It sounds very reasonable to me. My daughter had the same problem with her career because her brother was taking drugs. She wanted to apply for a job on the Drugs Squad but wasn’t allowed. It affects the whole family!

commonsensechristian

I agree it sounds reasonable, but with Bradley’s current state he’s not reasoning like he ought to. I’ve thought the military option was a good possibility, but now will Brad think the same thing? I think it would be good for him if he did…good luck!

my own woman-again

I am a single mother raising two grown sons and I’ve had the same issues. Its HARD. It’s hard when you can’t be there all the time. What you are doing isn’t wrong. You are trying to give your kids the best shot possible in life because you love them. Either they abide by your rules or they can’t leave. It’s not that hard of a choice. I will be praying for your family.

Have you considered the possibility the military won’t accept him? Continuing to pray for him, and for you. Ginny

MargUK

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all but I question Brad’s ability to stick to that. Anywhere right now where he can’t get whatever his drug of choice is will not go down well with him. If he’s addicted to anything his whole frame of mind is going to be affected and the addiction will be of paramount importance in his life so getting help to get off whatever he’s on is the first step.However that has to come from him. Or at least what I mean is he has to want it. I think you’re doing all you can at the moment but at some point you have to throw in the towel because he’ll just keep using you knowing he’ll get away with it. That’s harsh I know and easy for me to say but I know it’s true. I sincerely hope I’m proved wrong and will keep my fingers crossed he’ll go for it tomorrow!

Saving Barbie

I think the rules are more than reasonable. I, like you, have given chance after chance after chance….I have been told that my kids no longer take it serious because I always just add a simple rule so I give myself a reason to allow them to stay. His behavior could, very well, affect your oldest sons chances of being able to serve the community and that is so very sad. I am not sure talking to, or entering the marines, will change who your son is or how he believes but I suppose it is worth a try. I guess my worry with that is that he would be so far away and I wouldn’t be able to see him. It is so hard to be a parent these days. I wish our kids would listen to us and understand why we want them to have successful lives. Let us know how things go with the meeting with the Marine.

thesunnyabyss

I think your rules are reasonable and fair, in fact the are very similar to our rules, Laryssa’s issue was the drugs and not attending school ever, I could handle a lot but not going to school was a major deal breaker for us, I have also suggested the military to her as well, but so far no interest, you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers, good luck!

+Ditto

sounds reasonable to me. Good luck!

Sunflour

February 5, 2013

If there’s any sort of addiction going on here, adhering to these rules may not be so easy for him. He also will need to pass a drug test to get into the Marines, so although it may be a good option, it may not be a possibility depending on what he’s taking and how involved with it he really is.