January 30

I came here to write yesterday and ended up losing my entry.. not because of OD, but more of user error.  I got busy with something at work and forgot that I had an entry written when I closed the browser windows.. all tabs. So poof went my entry.

I didn’t have much to write about so I didn’t lose anything important.

Last night was our monthly board meeting at work so I didn’t get home until late and LJ was in his room while my dad was sleeping in the recliner. LJ has sent me a text telling me that dad was in a bad mood and that he’d been yelling all night.  Apparently I forgot to tell him I wouldn’t be home at my normal time so he was angry that his laundry wouldn’t get washed and no one was there to cook his meal.  Of course, once I walked in the door I was yelled at about how “things are going to change” and if not then he might as well die.

Dad is perfectly capable of doing stuff for himself, but he just won’t.  His day consists of waking up, eating, sleeping in the recliner, watching some TV, eating, and going to bed.  At least on the days he has dialysis he has to wake up early and actually leave the house.  This morning was dialysis day and once my brother walked in the door to pick him up he was in a good mood, but stumbled around and complained that his arm hurt.  He tried telling my brother it was because he hadn’t had breakfast yet, but LJ spoke up and told him that he did.

Dad’s been worrying about money and he decided this morning that he’s selling out this spring.  Just before my mom was diagnosed with cancer LJ and I moved in with my parents to help take care of them since dad’s health was declining then.  Mom tried to get him to sell out then and move into a senior living community, but the absolutely refused.  He kept telling her if he moved to town she might as well shoot him.  Now that she’s gone that’s the first thing he wants to do.  If he does move then it’ll leave LJ and I homeless unless I decide to buy him out.  I’m not sure what I would do with the acreage, but it would be nice to keep the house.  Another option that he talked about was selling everything, but make an agreement that we can live in the house as long as we want.

I’m so glad OD is back! This place got me through a lot of things and even though I wasn’t writing when I closed it still felt like home.  I can’t put things like this entry on social media without a ton of backlash from family so I hope this place will become my home away from home again.