Defeated

For weeks I have been crying every day, but today, more than ever, I feel alone and defeated. DEFEATED is the right word and it is also painful.

To make things worse, my tooth broke! Now I am laughing, but I guess is despair.

I don’t know from where to start.

Maybe from the beginning.

I have been in an affair with a married man for a few months now and fell completely in love.
Love. It is the second time in my life that I fell for someone like this.
For many years I didn’t have a relationship with someone who accepted me for who I am, who was kind, who tried to understand me, who made me feel beautiful and safe. And whom I trust.

It is very ironic because this man has been cheating on his wife for years now. Many years. So how am I able to trust him? I don’t know.

I never had an affair with a married guy before.
Due to my work, it is “normal” to engage in this kind of situation.
In this environment you see married people engage in relationships all the time, live like perfect couples until the contract ends.

I work on board a cruise ship and our contracts can be from 3 to 8 months. Tomorrow my contract ends. It was a long and a hard contract. And it is tomorrow the day I will say goodbye to George. I am sad, scared, disappointed, angry, lonely.