I fucking hate this town

This isn’t the best day of all. I don’t even remeber  how does it feel to have one. I have been a whole different person since i move out. It’s the same town, near my parents home. Still, everything has changed.

I hate this city.  HATE. Hate is a big word, maybe the biggest of all. Still, in good conscience, I can say that I hate this place.
When I was little, I swore I was never going to move away from home, I always want to be here. I wonder why anyone would ever want to leave. Now I get it much better.
Now I wonder who would like to be here? In a place full of people who can’t see beyond their noses. People who know best how to make you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, ever, period.People for whom you change and change yourself, but deep down you know that you won’t be enough this time either. A village full of people in whose eyes you will always be “the lonely”. Weirdly, I have “friends”, but I never feel like I belong. At night, I wondered if I had someone. Everyone has. Now it’s vacation and everyone is doing things together. As for me, I listen to other people’s funny stories, and i just am. I’m looking forward to moving further away. Away from all those bad memories. Maybe there’s a place somewhere where someone asks me to come along.
I talked to mom. She said, “You  just hate people, just like I do.” I said, “No, I don’t hate people. I Love. However, I hate the feeling that invades my body after I’m around people but they act like I’m not. It gets boring when you’re the other option or when you ask your friend to visit but never the other way around. I hate crying loneliness when I’m surrounded by people. It doesn’t help if they’re just the wrong people.”
I hate this place. Old memories won’t leave my mind if I don’t leave here. I hope they will not follow me. I dare not go to the store, I dare not go out, the list goes on and on. Just because I’ve ended up in this very place. A place where people know more about you than you do. A place where one mistake defines you, and your entire future. How you are treated and how people look at you.

I fucking hate this town.