Letter from the Editor

 I noticed a couple of comments debating a couple of issues I would like to address.  The first regarded depression as a choice.  Obviously it isn’t.  No one CHOOSES depression.  No one wakes up and says, "I’m going to be depressed today; where’s my bathrobe, slippers, and scotch?"  When I initially read that comment, I was a little confused about it, trying to wrap my mind around it.  The way I eventually interpreted it was that while depression itself isn’t a choice, what one chooses to do with it, to an extent, is within one’s control.  And when I say that, it’s very much a gray area, matter of degrees thing.  The scope of our lives in which we THINK we have control over is usually greater than the scope of our lives in which we DO have control.  Life isn’t a vacuum, it’s always in some form or fashion beyond our control in some measure of 0-100%.  But as for, do I stay in bed and sleep and drink (done that) or try to talk to friends (done that) or get out and just become for an afternoon part of the world at large (done that too), yes, that is a choice.  They might be pyrrhic victories and many times (I’m debating this in my case currently) it can only be overcome with medical help, but there is, however small or large one believes it to be, a choice involved in reacting to depression.  That’s how I interpreted it anyway and why I chose not to be offended by it.  

As for the second, whether Asperger’s is "outgrowable" (I make up words a lot), no, it isn’t.  I just chalked that up to not being aware.  I have a friend who has ADHD, and she says people all the time tell her "only children have that."  Not true.  Just not well known sometimes.  As for that, I haven’t been diagnosed with Asperger’s; only a doctor can do that and I have not sought that yet.  I just highly suspect it fits me and explains some of my social and personal quirks in a way that simple social anxiety does not (and that I have researched both a bunch).  I would be shocked actually if I went to a doctor/psychologist.whatever and was told I DIDN’T have it.  Anyway……..

Thoughts in list form

1. Even though I have to wake up earlier for it (like 3-330am early), breakfast before work, instead of simply breakfast during work, significantly perks me up longer.  The way work has been lately, oh dear, I need it.  Remodels are stupid.  Only thing I’ll say about it.

2. I need to keep a list of things to do.  Accomplishment feels better than lying around wondering what I’m supposed to be doing.  There’s plenty to do around this apartment.  It’s a mess.  Not a warzone mess, but there’s things to do.

3. Fruit punch soda sounds better than it actually tastes.  Not that it tastes bad, it just doesn’t seem to match with the foods I eat terribly well.  Many things I buy on impulse don’t turn out great.  And yet, I always feel my gut is right,

4. I need to better catalog my poems.  Every so often, I’ll come across a file and forgotten I had written it.  I like to think I’m really good.  I’m not the only one who thinks so.  

5. Bad habits, bad habits, bad habits.  *sigh*.  At least I recognize them better now.  Reacting to them, not so much.

6. The profile pic was taken a year ago.  Jogged/walked around White Rock Lake (about 9 miles in perimeter) in the dead of winter.  In Dallas, that means about 40 degrees. No snow.  No uphill both ways.  But still impressive.  Took that picture to remember the accomplishment.  Right before I hit a tree backing out of the parking lot.

7.  I need to find a new Perler Bead project.  If you’re not familiar with those, this is what you can do with them.

That’s me by the way.  Metaphorically.  Certain objects or images represent me, usually in my art.  This is one.  I’m just glad this picture wasn’t Godzilla sized.  I think I figured this out now.  I like to think in multimedia; there may be quite a few pictures in the future.

This helped.  The last couple hours have not been great.  But now I can go to bed fairly OK.