rabbit hole one.

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this world is cruel.
money is made out of thin air and used to control the people.
the good of mankind is measured in how much profit they can turn.
religion starts wars, causes brother to kill brother, under the eyes of a loving god.

tonight my hands smell of wild rosemary.
i burn sage in a tin and speak to the old gods and goddesses.
Lugh Lámhfada. Connla. Bó- Ann. Macha. Cernunnos.
i havent forgotten you.
i went into the belly of the earth once and asked for those i cared about to be protected.
i didnt mean to become blind but when i closed my eyes i could see so much more.

i m trying not to be bitter, to be broken.
but i have given up putting up a fight.
nobody notices, no-one cares, i tell myself.
its all totally fucking pointless.
its insane
the messes my mind makes when i m going round in circles
double-guesses, projection, self-fulfilling.. prophecy
it is all my fault.
or, at least, my reality is as i create it.
word made flesh and all that.
but who knows how deep the rabbit hole goes, or whether there will ever be an answer.

in my dream, there are brambles growing around my ankle.
i can smell the sweetness of the blackberries but the thorns have begun to draw blood.
i have my fists held out in front of me; the words ‘lone wolf’ are tattooed across the knuckles.
there is a dotted line traced onto my chest, the skin is peeling away along the line to reveal the black and

red cogs that are working inside my chest cavity.
(this is where a heart should be, i wonder)
there is a garland of flowers around my waist, for modestys sake, but these are withering in the heat.

i tell myself i dont need anybody; i havent been home in days.
no man is a island, yeah, thats an island i d like to hop to.
i m trying to remember when i first started feeling like an outsider.
when i was 5 i felt like an outsider because i was treated like one, a blow-in, its true, but it goes beyond that.

i didnt like the sound of the horses hooves hitting the dirt as they galloped across the plain.
i knew they were going the wrong way for salvation.