DFACE.

THURSDAY 28th JUNE.

she goes to the little bathroom to wash her armpits, after she has washed the dishes from lunch, cheap pasta peas sweetcorn and sardines, basic fare and not particularly well-cooked, still, no-one complained, least of all the kitten who got his own sardine after the others had eaten, the three of them have a moment sitting content after the repast, the cat assiduously cleaning its greasy face, but at the sink she notices the smell, the lack of deoderant, it has been so hot lately, everyone has been sweating, it is not unclean, she had a shower two days ago, and scraped a layer of dead skin and other goo off her body –

He who foregoes dinner will eat well at supper.
– Portuguese pro rationing proverb

i am so tired of the bitching.
in retrospect, its amazing we got this far without arguing too much.

i am in the indelicate position of being (or feeling) in the way while needing ot stay around and help
but have started to think of putting that loaded gun to my temple again –
i m emotional today, yes i m fine, with sufficient eye contact to be reassuring, the tears in my eyes didnt come til later
– i didnt want my story to be written like this –
stupid fucking swan.

strike out, lines through the text, a deleatur, that symbol which cancels or negates (proof, faith, hope)

Frank Sinatra sings ‘My Way’, its not Sid Vicious its a refined moment there, in that kitchen where the clock on the oven makes it forever 11:59, where i have sat, for hours beyond myself
where suppers have been served

i m becoming a fucking malcontent. something stops me from connecting with people, and i feel it, somethingblockingme, and i feel useless because of it, i cant do shit. i m getting in the way and being a pain in the arse –
i miss being a musician
i m an eejit instead, i should just get over myself, get over it, get on with it
….. destroy the thing i love – Moon over Bourbon Street
the shine off icecubes
the shine in a hunting kittens eyes
Senhora da Hora – the woman of the hour?
this hour?
or will it someday be 12:00?

ssssssss