Aisling Part 3 (The Book of the Jaguar Priest).

I guess things are just becoming absurd again. The last time things were this surreal, I felt as though I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
It didnt happen, obviously. I m far too grounded.

‘At any streetcorner the feeling of absurdity can strike any man in the face. As it is, in its distressing nudity, in its light without effulgence, it is elusive. But that very difficulty deserves reflection. It is probably true that a man remains forever unknown to us and that there is in him something irreducible that escapes us. But practically I know men and recognise them by their behaviour, by the totality of their deeds, by the consequences caused in life by their presence. Likewise, all those irrational feelings which offer no purchase to analysis. I can define them practically, appreciate them practically, by gathering together the sum of their consequences in the domain of the intelligence, by seizing and noting all their aspects, by outlining their universe. It is certain that apparently, though I have seen the same actor a hundred times, I shall not for that reason know him any better personally. Yet if I add up the heroes he has personified and if I say that I know him a little better at the hundredth character counted off, this will be felt to contain an element of truth. For this apparent paradox is also an apologue. There is a moral to it. It teaches that a man defines himself by his make-believe as well as by his sincere impulses.’

from A. Camus ‘The Myth of Sisyphus’, Vintage International

Life on a flying trapeze. Although I couldnt revolve around the swinging bar, I could beat extremely well. I prefer the static trapeze though, really. Its just I dont possess enough core to stop the bar from moving.
I have decided not to go back for lessons until I can skin the cat.

Recently a man offered me 30,000 pounds to take down Suzy s profile.
I said no.
Like the static trapeze, I get the feeling there are strings attached.

Double blind experiments, The Wave, Stamford prison experiment, Red – whose last email I have not replied to because there is nothing I can say that will make the blindest bit of difference – saving lives, Absurdity and Suicide, Peregrinos, Captain Morgans, Sailor Jerry (I m drinking a lot less these days, thats good, although the bottle of cider helped me relax this evening), stockings and suspenders, suggestions, soft as shite, Skype, the parade of Invisible Men through my brain, Phelim Ryan, RIP, the feel of a 30 kilo plus trapdoor above my shoulders is something I will never forget –

In a sushi restaurant on Saint James’, I suggest the Sancerre. Then I tell him I m not in love with him. One hour later, when, for the fourth time, the waiter tries to get us to order, his phone rings
‘Its just my wife’ –

Nobody said a word about my last entry. It was dark, yeah I know. Dark and desperate. Maybe nobody is even reading anymore.
I miss my best friend.

I didnt have any bad dreams last night. I hope the zombies are finally gone.

‘The Books of Chilam Balam (Books of the Jaguar Priest) were named after Yucatan shaman-seers. The earliest of these writings of prophecy, myth and ritual date back to 1593. They were written in the Maya language, but in European characters, the Spanish having told the Maya how to write in Roman script.
The most significant part is the ‘count of katun’ – the series of 13 katuns with accompanying prophecies, (which would be repeated at the end of katuns of the same name in subsequent cycles). The end of katuns were feared, as were the ends of haabs (the 5 Uayeb or unlucky days, when people hid away), eclipses, and risings of Venus.
An example of the evidence that some of the prophecies originally referred to the Long Count can be found on Tizimin p.16: ‘In the final days of tying up the bundle of the 13 katuns on 4 Ahau.. these valleys of the Earth shall come to an end. For those katuns there shall be no priests, and no one who believes in his government without having doubts.. I recount to you the words of the true gods, when they shall come….
Interestingly, the Short Count did not end on a 4 Ahau day, but the 13-baktun cycle of the Long Count does indeed end on 4 Ahau on 21st December 2012.’

from G. Stray ‘The Mayan and other Ancient Calendars’, Wooden Books