Just Another Girl

So, this is my first time on her. Jag means just another girl. A name I have used for a long time, although now i’m no longer a girl. Just another woman, in search of something to make me feel whole again. Tired of searching. But….where do I start? 

I am 3o yrs old. I from NYC and still reside here. I come from a broken family. Drug addicts, drunks, and a mother who did the best she could. I was raised by my alcoholic grandmother who I miss until this day. She was who she was, but she was my everything. My mother was a drug addict (now 20 yrs clean) and so was my father, he’s now on an alcohol maintenance program. A functioning alcoholic is what you would call him. I have a brother who has been incarcerated my whole life, and a sister that I probably would go crazy without. I’m the youngest of my siblings… so you know what that means. Unfortunately, I turned out to be a drug addict just like my parents. Today I actually have 92 days clean. AGAIN. I relapsed after 2 yrs clean. No need to question why, I just never did what it took to stay clean. I wanted to check out of life and never come back. Just do what I wanted to do, and be high all day everyday while doing it. It’s only when I came to the point that I couldn’t stand myself with or without drugs did I finally get help, on my own. No stipulations. I just wish life was different. I wish I wasn’t dealt the hand I was dealt. Is life any better for a trust fund baby? They say money doesn’t buy love. At this point it wouldn’t matter. Even if its not real love. I’ll take it. 

To be continued.