The Things You Find Saved

I was typing up the first part of the story promised in my 12/31 entry, and was trying to figure out a time frame. This turned into a mini-project of organizing my history in spreadsheet form, because 1) I’m anally organized, and 2) I figured I should probably collate as much of this information as possible, since I’ve spontaneously turned into a memoirist.

I found something from 3/30/2000, a letter I wrote to a friend whom I am no longer in touch with, in the early days of my relationship with She Who Has No Soul.  It struck me as particularly representative of my past and my struggles with depression–but in a positive way.  It may seem corny (as all of my entries may, to be honest), but I thought I’d share it here.

The other day I did something–I don’t even recall what–and Linda said
something like "You get so excited about little things, goof." I told her
that I had to, because life sucked so much that unless I could find joy in
simple, little, seemingly meaningless things, I’d never make it. That’s why
I get excited that I created a database for my player stats, that I used the
word "surreptitious" in a sentence, that the touch of silk is so wonderful.
It sounds silly, but… even when depressed, there is something that lets
you find joy. Find that, hold onto it, and don’t let it go, and let those
things sustain you..