Seems to feel the moral beauty

[favorites entry precedes. oddly enough, this is the more interesting one.]

The other thing that happened this weekend was that I got the announcement about the Iolanthe cast. I’d submitted my audition in January. This is the production I’d been hoping to do in England this summer. Here’s the email I got:

Dear Jonathan

Thank you for auditioning for Iolanthe. Unfortunately the Audition Panel is not
able to offer you a role this year.

While I know you will be disappointed, you should understand that we had a very
large number of auditionees and the task of casting was a difficult one, we
could probably have cast the show twice. In the end it came down to matching
heights, ages and voices between people who could do the roles well, to make the
final decision.

Please don’t be put off auditioning in another year. If you would like to be in
the chorus, we would be delighted to add your name to that list, please just let
me know.

Best wishes

Diana [lastname]
for the audition panel

I really thought I had a good shot at Strephon, and yeah, I am disappointed not to have been cast. (I’d auditioned for three roles.) Now I have a choice to make. Should I go to Buxton anyway? There’s a Young Artistes Pirates that I’d probably have a good shot at a good role for. And I could do chorus in that Iolanthe. (I’ve never done an Iolanthe chorus.) Or I could do something else. I’m leaning that way now. Diana wrote: It would be good to have you with us but do understand if you cannot make it – travel is an expensive business. However, don’t give up – your auditions were extremely good and you will crack a role soon. Nice to hear.

If I don’t go to England, what would I do instead? I could work those extra weeks and make extra money, and save it. I could buy a new computer. Or I could travel within the continent, and visit people I don’t get to see enough. I could visit some of y’all, OD-friends. Maybe spend a few weeks in August visiting, say, Portland, Ann Arbor, Toronto, and Greensboro? I’ll save some $1500 by not going to Buxton. That’s a lot of money to sing in a chorus. That money in my bank account next year would make next year a lot easier than the last couple.

And then, there’s this other idea.

My social consciousness has grown about a thousandfold in the past five years. This is why I’m now a vegetarian, involved with Oxfam, and don’t vote libertarian. (Admission: in 2000, I voted for Harry Browne and hoped that Bush would win. I’ve come a *long* way.) One of the most common objections to consequentialism as a normative ethical theory is that it is too demanding — the theory states that we should do what will maximize good in the world. That means it’s really best for us to make substantial sacrifices to help others around the world. But I don’t think this is an objection to consequentialism. If you look around and see what’s going on in, say, Darfur, it’s pretty fucking hard to say that getting a new laptop is more important than giving drinking water to two million refugees.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking. It follows obviously from firmly-entrenched Western values: I have the right to spend the money that I have earned on whatever I want to. It’s mine, and no one can tell me I have to use it to help other people. Their problems are not my problems. Frankly, I think this sort of thinking is just really, really hard to justify. This sort of talk confuses what is really a very simple matter: it is wrong to let people suffer when you can help them without giving up very much. I’m hardly rich, but I still meet that description. Problems are problems.

Oxfam at Brown, years ago, made a large glass hourglass full of marbles. A marble fell every few seconds — each marble represented a person (or maybe it was specifically a child — I forget) dying of hunger-related causes worldwide. They timed it so the numbers matched up; again, I forget the details, but they learned that these deaths occur on average once every fifteen seconds, or whatever the number was, and had the marbles drop that often. They also discovered that for $5, Oxfam can give one person the resources he needs to get out of the worst sort of health danger. $5 to save a child’s life. The group displayed this giant hourglass and sold marbles for $5 to people at Brown. They told them they were saving lives. And it was true. Instead of buying coffee the next two afternoons, save a child’s life. How amazing is that?

This was years ago. Since then, the hourglass broke. We’re trying to build a new one, but we don’t have the money. So that’s a concrete possibility for my Buxton money. I’m exploring the possibility.

This is really fucking hard. I talk big about moral responsibility and improving the world, and this is a chance to really step up my living-up-to-it level. That said, that’s a lot of money to just let go of, and a lot of other cool stuff I could do with it. I certainly advocate respecting people’s decisions to use their money for themselves, within reason, and I don’t think it’ll make me a bad person if I decide not to give this particular pile away. Friends, travel, Gilbert & Sullivan… these are all worthy ends. And I certainly wouldn’t criticize someone else for not giving away a lot of money in a situation like mine. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s better.

If I decide to keep my money for myself, it’ll mean I’m doing something other than the best possible thing. Not the end of the world. Morality comes in degrees, and I have to find my balance of doing what’s right and doing what will improve my life. (Even if I only succeed in giving half of it away, that would be something.)

God, I’ve been writing forever. Enough!