And a sweet and simple smile

Today was supposed to be productive, but it wasn’t. I succeeded in waking up early, like I was supposed to, but then proceeded to sit around for a long time, checking email, blogs, etc., instead of getting actual work done. Then at 11:30 I took Ben to the train station, and came back to drop my car off to get fixed. The part they’ve supposedly ordered is *still* not there, even though they told me it’d be in a week ago, but it’ll definitely be there by the end of the day, so I drove home and walked to campus and had sushi, then coffee with Audrey. Apparently when you order a large espresso drink at Oceans, it has *four* shots!

I went to the department after that to check mail and work on my fictionalism paper, which I’m presenting tomorrow (Tuesday) at Brown and this weekend at Princeton-Rutgers. But I’d failed to put my files in the correct format to work on them from campus (sometimes not-owning a copy of Microsoft Word at home has its disadvantages), so I ended up just wasting some time there. I changed diarist names, which I’m having a tough time getting used to.

Jolly Utter: So I’m not used to my new diarist name yet.
tigeremme: it’s … intimidating to say the least
Jolly Utter: I’ll sometimes see it and say briefly to myself: “holy crap, there’s somebody named Jack Point!”.
Jolly Utter: Intimidating?
tigeremme: well, ditto what you just said
tigeremme: it’s just … weird =P
Jolly Utter: Heh.
Jolly Utter: It’s funny, because Sir Despard didn’t feel like that. It was really natural in that respect.
Jolly Utter: And I was Pirate King for, like, ever.
tigeremme: i know.
tigeremme: but dude. Jack Point.
Jolly Utter: I wonder if this is a sign that this was a bad move.
tigeremme: don’t think too hard about it.
tigeremme: we’ll see.
Jolly Utter: *nod* It’s still young.

Sir Despard was really comfortable, and I might go back to it some day. But I’m sticking with Jack Point for now. Presumably, it’ll eventually stop feeling weird.

Anyway, after spending an hour or two at the department, I came home and began to actually work on my fictionalism paper. I really love this paper. I mean, the central claim is pretty far-fetched, and I don’t really think it’s correct, but it’s just so fucking interesting. My paper is very fun and provocative. “Imaginary Values and the Cult of the Untrue.” Real meaning from pretend values. Thinking about it — and I’m being totally serious here — causes my personality to change. It makes me more playful. I have no idea whether it merely puts me into a playful mood, or whether it turns me into a playful person — time will tell, I guess. It’s fun to say things that are really bitingly true, and also things that are really obviously (and amusingly) false. It’s time to quote more conversation with Emily.

Jolly Utter: I have this really weird ironic side to me manifesting lately.
tigeremme: yeah, it’s kind of funny
…
Jolly Utter: God, I wish I could write personal ads as well as this person!
Jolly Utter: I’m 22 years old from Central MA. I love hanging out with my friends and living life to the fullest. I enjoy baseball(RED SOX), the beach, clubs, bars, cuddling, drinking, hugs,laughing, music, shopping sleep, traveling, working out, and especially warm-weather. If anything catches your attention, feel free to let me know! I’m looking for people to hang out with and maybe more.
Jolly Utter: “Hi there, I read your ad — it really caught my attention! I’ve been looking for a long time for someone who enjoys music and living life to the fullest!”
tigeremme: *snorts*
tigeremme: wow, jonathan
Jolly Utter: Umm. Yeah. I think I might be being overly harsh.
tigeremme: well, that’s pretty fucking funny
tigeremme: and harsh =P
Jolly Utter: Yeah… apparently I’m exploring the edgier side to my personality. We’ll see how that develops. Hopefully I won’t end up being a gigantic jerk.
tigeremme: *grins*
tigeremme: i kind of like it
tigeremme: it’s interesting

There is humour in all things, and the truest philosophy is that which teaches us to find it, and make the most of it!

Mid-evening, I suddenly strated feeling *really* weird. I was looking at the monitor, updating my paper, when I started feeling pulses of light-headedness. I became dizzy. It felt like moderately severe tipsyness, or a strong caffiene buzz, like that time I had a mocha immediately after giving blood. But in quick pulses, or mini-throbs. I was dizzy. It was really somewhat frightening, and I was sorry that Ben wasn’t around. Less that I needed company than that I wanted some assurance that if I suddenly fainted or collapsed or something and needed medical attention, someone would be likely to notice. I called Elsie and we chatted for a little while, but it didn’t get better. Lying down helped some, but minutes after sitting up again, it was back. Once, walking the five feet from my desk to the futon, an extreme wave of dizziness brought me to my knee.

I drank several glasses of water, and threw some vegetables at that giant lizard monster thing that spits out bubbles, but I still wasn’t feeling any better. Then I did what should have been my very first idea — I ate some food. I cooked myself a bowl of ramen, and ate it, and was thereafter completely fine. My body is *weird*. But yeah, that was kind of scary.

Audrey came over for a couple hours. It was nice. I won’t see her again for over a week, though — I’m presenting a paper tomorrow, and rehearsing Wednesday and Thursday. We’re both out of town this weekend. I’ll pick her up from the airport late Tuesday night. She’s a nice girl.

Let’s see… any other news? I’ve started drinking whisky, so that’s kind of fun. I’m enjoying some just this moment, actually. Sadly, I don’t have an appropriate glass for it — I’m drinking it out of a wine glass, which makes me feel rather silly. The other thing I thought people might be interested in hearing is that I’m engaged now. So yeah, that’s sort of weird.

Anyway. Harvard in the morning, so: g’night.