That shit cray

 Thank fucking god this semester is almost over.

It has really been hell. 

I mean I don’t know what else could have gone wrong. 

My boyfriend broke up with me. I got in an accident with a cop and lost my license because I didn’t have insurance. I fell down my stairs and sprained my ankle. I got sick and it lasted like 4 weeks. I’m doing really poorly in all of my classes. My ex still owes me tons of money and I had to change my debit card number because shit was being charged to it. I got black out drunk last week and had sex with Logan and didn’t use a condom and had to buy Plan B.

And plus all the dumb shit that just would have happened to me anyway on top of that… like accidentally sleeping through shit and being clumsy and forgetful.

Oh and I guess I quit my job. 

I’ve been abusing drugs and alcohol like it’s my job to cope with my feelings. And having sex with random people.

I just feel so overwhelmed. Friday I broke down and visited a counselor at the student health center on campus. I got a screening for depression and shit, they didn’t really tell me the results… They just signed me up for more appointments. 

I’m going again on Wednesday and I’m honestly kind of looking forward to it. I just want some inspiration to start doing the best for myself, you know? I don’t want to be put on meds or anything though. I just want to feel grounded. I want to talk to someone about my life in a realistic way. I feel like all of my new friends don’t think my problems are that bad because they have much more fucked up shit to worry about. Like to me, smoking weed is a habit i want to break because it tears down my motivation and costs me way too much money. My friends, on the other hand, do so many other drugs that weed is the least of their problems. I can’t even mention that I think I have a real problem with it because they would just laugh.

I’m also hoping that if I’m seeing a counselor that it will help my case when I go to talk to my professors about trying to make up some work. I’m also going to the Student Advocates office Thursday to get some advice about how to make sure I don’t just do awful this semester.

I get my license back December 23rd so that will be super relieving.

I might also try to go back into work and see if they’ll let me come back next semester. I think the counselor thing should help with that too, lol.

blah, I gotta do homeworks right now actually ha. Stupid cough syrup they gave me at the health center makes me so sleepy. And it’s really hard for me to not just fucking drink a bunch of it… it’s Tussionex… lol

Meh I can’t even focus on what I’m writing anymore. I’m going to finish my homeworks and go to sleepy pants.