22, Tomorrow is our recognition day

Hi, long time no entry. I just woke up past 5am today, and earlier, when I was still awake, I was just crying and begging for God to let me sleep. I told him that I couldn’t sleep for 3 days, that my body was shutting down, and that my mind wasn’t at peace. It was too loud; I was so stressed from thinking too much, and even if things were out of my control, I was focusing, or that’s my hyperfixation, on one thing. Tomorrow is my recognition, I’m getting sad for thinking I am not excited about it and what makes me want to be happy is the reason that my sisters are so happy about it and they’re looking up at me. I love my sisters, sometimes I think that I don’t deserve them. I always pray to God to please hug me and hold me because I am so close to losing myself. I wish nothing but the best for all of us. I stopped finding job at this moment; until my graduation’s done, I could start again. I prayed earlier that God could simply gift me something on my graduation day because I couldn’t have done it without his guidance, something like peace of mind to sleep 8 hours or more everyday of my life and the gift of managing my time wisely.