22, clueless in life
Good morning. It’s already 2:04 a.m., and I just finished processing my feelings earlier. My life has changed a lot since I became an intern. I still have my what-if’s in my mind and what could have been, but I believe that soft life exists somewhere, just not today. This is the story of how I left the company that made me want to live more but also shrank me into pieces.
I have been traumatized by a few events in my life that have caused me to be a cautious person, and it got to the point where I lied about having a father. It felt good for a moment. I felt the security tell them that I have such a nice family. It’s one of the biggest telecommunications infrastructure service companies. I was rendering 300-hour on-the-job training, and I stayed there for almost five months just because I was happy there. I love my supervisors and what I’m doing. I was also recovering from heartaches during that time but I seemed to be perfectly fine because I was a happy kid and a natural funny person.
On one random Friday, they invited me and my co-interns for an eat-out dinner. I have been constantly changing my decisions going back; it’s like I doubted myself for going out with them. Eventually, I just went to go out with them because, since I just got my allowance from my scholarship, I never joined them even once because I was saving my money for something. Earlier that day, I just woke up with so much pain in my chest, and when I was commuting, I worried about my home (or my mom) because I thought that I could feel when my mother’s in pain. Unfortunately, it’s one of the signs that there’s something bad that will happen to me.
When we’re already eating a hot pot, I go to the comfort room, and after that, I went back to my table. Everyone was making a weird vibe; they’re like laughing but just in a silent tone. Only to find out that someone hid my wallet, and it was like a game. I felt like a stupid child standing there and guessing for 15 minutes or more. I can feel the heat in my body, I was mad but I can’t process it. I was about to cry because I couldn’t speak up. I questioned my actions: “Did I do something bad?” or telling God, I never done such behavior to someone. I was offended by the other person touching and opening my wallet. I felt my soul had been crushed because of the disrespect, and I couldn’t do anything but stay calm and collected.
There were 1 hids it, and 9 were just there on the table, getting along with it. When I arrived home, I locked my room, and I badly sobbed. Fortunately, it’s a weekend after, so I decided to plan everything on how to leave gracefully. I prepared the necessary documents and letters for HR, and I scheduled to send them on Monday evening. I still went back Monday morning to at least finish my task, and someone told me (the person who hids it) “bakit hindi mo pinapansin si Yssa?” She asked why I would give silent treatment to Yssa. Yssa was one of my closest friends there, but she didn’t do anything but just laugh. I never replied to her anyway.
Monday lunch. I requested to take a half day because there will be presentation at school but I lied. I just gave them the chance to redeem themselves but I can see much more worse things coming. They did apologize, but I wouldn’t be able to respect myself if I hadn’t taught them a lesson. I hope they act their age.
Now, I am a graduating student, and I am restless in finding a job.