My heart still sank

Sitting on the couch watching tv, when all of a sudden a phone goes off. Wasnt mine it was bryans so i grabbed it incase it was a phone call. But it wasnt It was a text. AS he came in the room i read it. He asked who it was from i looked at him and said its from Vicky wanting to know if u wanna come smoke if u dont have to work?!

For an instant i thought i timed travel back to when i was pregnant with mayson and i found text on his phone about him and someone else smokin together.

So i got up and started walking out the door because i had to pick up jayden from school. As i was leaving he says " I know what your thinkin and i dont smoke anymore" Not saying anything back i left.

I walk in and get jayden and go to the car. On the way to the car he ask if we can go to the duck park. I thought  sure mayson is sleeping at home so we’ll go for a bit.

AS I start the car i get a text from bryan "I dont know why she would text me that, I ahvent even talked to her since the softball game. and shes always tryin to get me to smoke with her"

Thoughts went threw my head a mile a minute. Angry ones but i calmy replied "were goin to the duck park wont be back for a while"

As i drive to the park I felt funny. My heart felt heavy and i kinda just wated to cry. But i didnt i stayed brave for jay.

AS i sat at the park i thought whether or not its tru. I mean why would somebody just randomly text you that? And if u never smoked with her before why would she keep buggin u about if u say u dont? And then theres the well if u have smoked with her before, U didnt know her until u worked in Ncanton and that wasnt until after mayson was bor so somewhere in bewtween gettin caught in august and now u would have had to if u did before?

So on my way home my heart sank. I haent truly and honestly trusted him in a long time. And i have been u front about it to him. When u lie about stupid things(Like the Diamond Roy-al thing) How could I. But I have gotten so use to things being this way I never realized how much was lost between us until it was staring me right in the face.

And I dont know what hurts more. What we lost? or The fact that I belive the petty things?

I know we arent going to be together forever i have realized that for a long time now and the fact that we go backwards is proof. I think the closer i feel that we are finally going to be apart after so long. The more scared i become. Because i have to stand up and do it on my own. And i dont know  if i have the strength to sore