The secret is partially out.

On Saturday we made plans for Sunday. I thought to myself. How the fck am I going to get through another fcking day with this over my heart. How am I going to look at them and laugh like nothing is wrong, when everything is wrong.  We went to the barbecue after already dropping our kid off at camp. (I was already emotional) the day went on, and everyone asked if I was ok. I seemed different. I didn’t look like myself. The whole day went on and I looked at my cousin with such despair Bc I i love him so much. But his brother hurt me. Hurt me in a way, that no one should ever hurt another person, esp a child. My cousins wife asked me, a question. She asked me what I thought about if HE, moved in with her and her husband with their kids, so he can start his life over. He’s been out of a job for a while, and “needs to learn how to be a man and independent”.  My face dropped. How the fck can I say “sure thaysba great idea”, knowing they have a little girl in the house. HOW!? I had to step away to gather myself. My bf noticed. He told me,” everything is going to be ok. If you have to say something now, and we have to leave, fck it we will leave. Be strong. I’m here with you.” It took a few hours, but, I pulled her aside. We went into my aunt and uncles room. I sat her down and spilled my guts. Every last detail. She listened, intently. Her eyes looked watery. She took a deep breath. I was already crying. She said, “I believe you, I don’t put anything passed any man or woman”. We spoke. She hugged me. She told me that I’m always welcomed in her home and that she loves me. The relief I felt, was incredible. She has always been like a big sister to me, so to lose her or my cousin, would be a tragedy for me. But my cousin, the one that I adore. Still doesn’t know. She said she’s going to tell him when the time is right. But she did tell my aunt and uncle. My aunt told me she loves me too. She’s so sorry. It was great to have that support. However, they all said the same thing, once my mom knows, all hell is going to break loose. So this dark cloud still lingers, but now it’s just a shade lighter…