Married.

So I’m married. I love my husband and my daughter so much. I can’t imagine my life with them. But, I’ve been struggling. I’m not happy. It’s weird. Like I’m happy but not. I thought after the wedding I’d be so excited and happy. But how am I suppose to be happy when all I want to do is cry. Idk why. I can feel sad but can’t feel happy which then turns into anger Bc fuck! I have every reason to be happy right now and yet, I CANT FEEL HAPPY.  I look at my husband and his face lights up when he calls me his wife. I can literally see the happiness in his eyes. But me? I have dark circles around my eyes and I look like I can cry at any given moment. Before the wedding we spoke about getting me on medication. It’s been an option that I’ve avoided for ever. I was diagnosed with ptsd and bipolar 2, last year and the doctor stopped accepting my insurance. Which I don’t have anymore anyways. So now I’m waiting for my insurance to kick in so I can get on medication. I need to. If not, I’m going to fall deeper into this weird depression orbit that I’ve been in for quite sometime now. This feeling is getting old. Tired. I need a change.