Family.

yesterday, I was with my family. The family that I know that this dark no so secret anymore can ruin.we joked and laughed like we always do. I thought to myself, I don’t want to ever ruin this feeling. The feeling of joy when you guys sang happy birthday to me as we river tubed down the Delaware water gap, smiling from ear to ear, but that joy was quickly overshadowed by the guilt that poured over me. The guilt that once I tell you this unforgiving secret, that you guys, my family, my closest ones, who are so close to him you share the same last name, will look at me with tears in your eyes and say “I don’t believe you”. Because I know then, that would be the end of us. The end of summer cook outs, the end of Christmas together, the end of this dark cloud that’s been hovering over me since I was 6 but at what cost ? Am i saving your daughter, like I hoped someone saved me ? Would you even see it that way? Am I even ready ? As we departed and said our good byes, I silently asked God, to not let this be the last time we say good bye.