NoJoMo – 1 My teeth hurt.
How’s your mouth?
My teeth hurt.
How are you feeling?
My teeth hurt.
I’m ready to be giving people different answers. I’m ready to have different answers. I’m ready for my mouth to not hurt. I’ve always had great teeth… and now… pain. Suffering. Pain. Pain. Pain.
So, I went to my check up on Tuesday, a week after having the surgery to remove all four wisdom teeth, and I was still in a lot of pain. The doctor gave me a lot more meds – which I can only take at night because I have to work during the day – and told me I was healing fine. Then, on Wednesday, I felt what I can only describe as a sharp pointing wire sticking out of one of my holes… a stitch that must have come loose. I called the office and the nurse told me to gently tug on the stitch… if it was ready, it would come out; if it resisted, leave it alone. I barely touched the damn thing! Blood. Pain. You name it. Oh God! So, I made an appointment for Friday morning for them to check it out. I figured if it was ok by Thursday afternoon, I’d cancel. But as Thursday night approached, the other side of my mouth started to hurt more… in the actual bone. I’m worried the infection is back. It always takes two or three rounds of antibiotics for infection to clear up when I get them – and I don’t get them often. So, I went to the doctor on Friday morning. They packed the two lower holes with this medicated paste that turns into this concrete like substance. It’s supposed to be medication directly on the spot, and they’re hoping it will help if I do have an infection. The doctor told me that it could be dry socket. I could have continuing pain for as much as two more weeks. I turn 25 in 10 days. I do NOT want to be on Vicodin on my birthday…
Besides, I’m really worried about getting addicted to pain killers. I see that crap on TV all the time. I can’t help but worry that with all the other issues I have, I could be just another statistic… another person with mental issues that started taking pain pills for a legitimate issue and then got hooked. It happens. I’m terrified of it happening to me. I’m already worried I’m addicted to the Klonapin. I’m up to 2mg daily and I feel normal. 1mg daily used to make me so groggy I could barely function. I hope that the worry is what will keep me not addicted. And the fact that I don’t take it during the day—I have to work. I can’t drive on Vicodin—won’t ever drive on it. And I can’t really concentrate on it. It makes work really difficult… and I HATE missing work.
Oh, so on Friday, after they stretched the holes open and stuffed medicated paste inside, I proceeded to work, because I’d told my boss I’d be in – I had NO idea I’d have concrete setting in my mouth on my drive in. When I got there, he asked me how my appointment went… I busted out in tears. I still cannot believe I cried in front of my boss. I am mortified. But I did. I explained what they did and how much it hurt. His response, “What the hell did you come in for? Go home! Shit… there’s no fire here—nothing that can’t wait. Just go home!” I wouldn’t until he signed a check for our workman’s comp and until I got some files to take home so I could work from home this weekend… still, I cried almost the whole time. HUMILIATED! I was just in so much pain. And I was just so tired of being in pain. And I was sick of having to say, it didn’t go well, and I have to let you down again and go home. I am sick of not working 40 hour weeks. I’m sick of not being 100%. I’m ready to get back to my life… and all of this just fell on top of me when my boss, who repeated asked if I wanted him to drive me home (“because I will… you don’t need to drive if you’re in this much pain… seriously, it’s not a big deal… well, if you’re sure… well, then I want you to text me as soon as you get home so I know you made it ok… I really don’t know that you ought to be driving… you really got to stop coming in when you’re in this much pain…”), asked how it went. The fact that my boss cares… don’t get me wrong, everyone cares… but I’ve never had a boss that cares… and it was right after the whole cement process… and there were just… exhaustion and pain and tears. And now… humiliation. My only hope is that he thinks it was ALL pain.
I’m on Vicodin right now. A lot of it. That’s probably why most of what I’m writing is broken and … well… crap.
Ok… I’m off to watch Cold Case and let a nap overtake me.
Ciao!
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.Mark Twain