My Brother (Public version)

<——————-Fav entry (extended version)

One of the most interesting and exciting people in my life right now is twelve years old. I love Ian because he has a sense of humor that rivals most adults –though he does often make jokes typical of a twelve year old boy. I love spending time with Ian because he is intelligent, open to learning anything and everything this world has to offer. I feel a connection with Ian because I used to be just like him (without the horror story background). Too smart for his own good, socially awkward, and a natural knack for getting into trouble, I connect with Ian on a level I rarely find. And even though he’s only twelve, I consider him not just a brother but a friend.
Tonight, we spend over an hour talking, laughing, and playing our trumpets (I rented one especially to play with him to help him practice). Even though I haven’t played in years and couldn’t just read the music and play like I used to, Ian kept telling me what a good job I was doing. No matter how many times I messed up—even on the beginner’s levels—Ian would tell me how great I sounded. He was never condescending or cocky. He never let me get away with saying, God… I am just sucking at this… I can’t believe how much harder this is… Ian wouldn’t hear it.
I can’t wait to practice again tomorrow. I look forward to spending the summer, and if the contract comes through, the next year or three being his big sister. One of the biggest things I’m going to have to do is help him to cope with his past. He has professional help, and he has his dad and my mom; a sister to talk to… an adult that isn’t an adult… a person who will listen and empathize with the anger, pain, and betrayal he feels… I think that will help. If nothing else, I’ll be the sister who takes him to movies—when he isn’t grounded (still has some issues from being raised by wolves and gets into trouble)—and shows up to all his football games, plays Risk for hours and practices the trumpet until our lips go numb, and listens to his endless ramblings (to the extent of my patience) and treats him with respect. I want to be the sister that shows Ian that his opinion matters, who wants to hear his thoughts about things, and who makes him feel as if he’s the only person in the world when we spend time together.
I truly believe that we choose people to be in our lives before we are born. I believe we chose the roles and the circumstances based on the lessons we need to learn this time around. I have never been especially close with Sara, my sister. We got along about as well as cats and dogs. I learned, with great effort, that despite blood ties and shared experiences, personalities can make close relationships tricky, if not impossible (thankfully, Sara and I have a delicate, but tricky relationship). Armed with the knowledge that blood and a shared childhood are not essential factors for a rewarding sibling relationship, I accepted Ian with open arms and a warm heart before I knew him or his story. Having ‘chosen’ Sara as my sister, I learned the lesson I needed to be sitting here tonight, my lips swollen and exhausted after a great day as a big sister. The thing is I believe whole heartedly that I need Ian in my life every bit as much as he needs me right now. I need to be useful; I need to ‘get it right’ and succeed with him where I failed Sara. I need someone in my life to help me find a center… and while he’s only twelve, who better to help you find yourself than someone just like you (plus, kids have a way of simplifying a world adults spend complicating).
I definitely believe we chose our paths, our ‘group’ of people, and our lessons. I can’t wait to discover the lessons I’ll learn and the experiences I’ll share with my new brother, my new friend.