Letter to Grant – 7/2/09

I haven’t heard from you since you called to say you were safe. I miss you. I am handling the not-talking-daily thing pretty well so far. I do miss you, but my days are filled with back pain, playing trumpet with Ian (did I tell you I rented a trumpet…and that a 12 year old is kicking my ass??), and reading. I still keep my cell phone by my side no matter what I do… except for the late night swim in our clothes–totally spontaneous idea.
Tomorrow Mom and I are going to go garage sale shopping. I doubt I’ll get anything… I’m really not the garage sale type… but Mom likes it and it’s something to do. Afterwards, I’m gonna stop by a clothes store to pick up a nice shirt for church on Sunday. Saturday we’re having a small cookout with burgers and hot dogs.
 
The cats are doing ok. Last night was exciting. I woke up at 5am to a cat fight and reflexively screamed at the top of my lungs (the scary movie kind) "NOOOOO!" The door to my (Ian’s) bedroom was not closed completely (clicked) and Curie (mom’s cat) had snuck in… Bagheera was not having it. My scream was enough to scare Curie away, put our kids under the bed, and make Michael nearly shit himself. 🙂 We’re making very sure to click the door into place now.
 
The apartment is nice. The POD hasn’t showed up, so I’m not moving in yet. Comcast can’t even set up until the 10th, and all the alarms require a 3 year contract (or $500 to cancel early). I think I may just put up a sticker that says "Republican: Shoots first, No need for questions." or "Prayer is the best way to the LORD. Trespassing is faster." 🙂 We’ll see. It seems safe enough anyway. I mean, it’s Sugar Land, not Houston. All the same, when I go up to see Faye, I’m gonna talk to Mark about guns, see if I can go shooting with him and Jonathan. When I get back (if we get the contract) I think I’m gonna go ahead and get myself a handgun for the bedroom. I’ll go to the shooting range and all… but just having it sooner rather than later will make me feel better. I already miss having a man around (Michael is a little girly to count).
 
 
Ian and I are getting so close so fast. He tells me he loves me every night before he goes to bed. And we cooked spaghetti tonight… he loves to help. He does all the litter and feeds the cats and loves on them. He wants to please… and even when I totally fruck up a piece of music, he tells me how good it sounded… and if I argue, he’ll say… it doesn’t matter, it sounded good. 🙂 Silver lining.
 
 
I miss you. The kids miss you. My greatest hope is that you’re having fun (or are at least interested) in what you’re doing. I hope you’re keeping yourself busy, but that you’re getting plenty to eat… and sleep. I know you’ll call when you can, when you need to. And I’ll be here.
I love you so much.There’s this song called "Then" which talks about how this guy thought he loved his wife when he proposed… and then he thought he loved her when they got married, etc… and the whole point is that this guy has thought at every point along the way that he loves his girl as much as anyone can love anybody…and then time passes… and as the chorus goes… "And I thought I loved you then…" I feel that way.
I thought I knew love when I agreed to give up my carefree life for marriage after only 2 weeks. I thought I definitely knew love when I put up with your family and that wedding. I was certain I knew love when you left and I stayed faithful and supportive. In Chester, I found out how much more I loved you getting to see you every day. I thought I loved you as much as I ever could… and then I let you go again. And I think I know love… but I’ve thought that before. 🙂 The idea that our love with just grow and grow… I can’t wait. I can’t wait to see how much I’ll love you when you come home… or when you leave again for somewhere else (North Korea is really working on being next… with a Republican in office, that little man would so be nuked)… or when we celebrate 10 years–even if we’re not together to do the whole romantic dinner (pizza and Alien v. Preditor). I can’t wait to love you the rest of my life, every day.
 
I know you aren’t here right now, but I carry you in everything I do. You are my whole world, so stay safe and eat plenty.
 
I love you.