What A Pity

There’s quite a lot to lose yourself in, but it’s difficult to describe anything like beauty, trying to infer the layers, trying not to spoil it by being hyperbolic or obtuse, obfuscating, certain words, phrases, mean more than others, it’s such an individual thing though, we place hope into each attempt, figuring maybe someone is looking for the same things we are, from small things, to larger ones, maybe someone else noticed the change this Spring brought, maybe someone else saw that field with the trees by the entrance to the motor way and also thought they’d never seen such alluring hues of green, it’s all so specific though, it’s difficult to generalise, wherever we are, if you watch a scene for a few moments, maybe a few minutes, you’ll notice more, we’re very peripheral even when we’re looking right at something, we’re watching the activity, we don’t notice how much there is in every scene, how much is still in that moment, unless we pause and observe.

It’d be nice if there were more people around to love those we value, I think, I have friends, family and just people whom I think would find such great love if they found whoever it is that would give it to them, whoever had that in them to share with them. Sometimes I think how the emptiness of their relationships must be crippling for them.

It’s surprisingly difficult to convince people you’re happy and well, I was at a Chemist the other day and I was buying some antacid tablets, I’ve had heart burn this last couple of months, he immediately said "What’s stressing you?" I told him nothing, that I’m happy. He wouldn’t accept it, he kept pushing, he offered suggestions for things that might be causing me stress, ranging from social to environmental, I had to keep repeating that I’m not a stressed person, not at all, in fact I can’t remember the last time I was stressed, I can hardly remember the last time I was unhappy for anything barring a death, I do remember it was this year though, but I did something special on that occasion, I wrote an e-mail to a friend of mine when it happened, it only lasted a few hours as is the way for me, so when I did finally feel a bit sad I sent her an e-mail about it, just to show her what it’s like for me because she seems to believe I’m holding back my sadness, she’s a psychologist too so that makes it worse.

You know what’s really difficult? Trying to say to someone that even though every single person they’ve ever known or heard of behaves one way and does these things, that I don’t. People don’t accept it, they will assume you’re lying rather than accept that just perhaps they’ve been introduced to something outside of everything else they know, no one accepts the simply theory of ‘I’m different’, people aren’t open to that really. It’s annoying, because I can’t use that argument since as soon as I do I’m written off, for being a liar or being conceited, I don’t expect too many people have this difficulty but it’s astoundingly difficult to get around, I’ve had it dozens of times, the worst part though is that it tends to reveal how much trust people really have in you, they’ll trust you up to a point, but they won’t change their minds, especially if the person is anything approaching a professional on the subject.

I understand when a stranger doesn’t trust me, but if someone I spend time with doesn’t trust me then I become genuinely disappointed, all you’ve got in a relationship of any sort is trust, you have to be able to trust, without that all one can ever hope for is one of those empty relationships that I mentioned above, the ones that end up crippling people from feeling so fucking isolated, so shallow.

I could imagine most people feeling vindicated by the Pharmacist, people love that self-righteous pity, that ridiculous martyrdom. Selfish children with limited perspectives, leaving everything to chance, waiting for a catalyst to fix everything, taking no responsibility for themselves, perpetual victims of circumstance, everything is the fault of others, every good turn that happens to others is simply their good fortune they believe, worse yet they envy and begrudge these people, weak cowards all of them.

People can be fucking pathetic.

Ahh young bitter love, who cares if he’s whiney and cliched, there’s emotion in there, identifiable and real, unlike his later stuff when he realised that there are large sections of females that have a language all to their own and you can easily capture their attention with it if you use it, not for all of them obviously but every good marketer knows what demographic they’re aiming at, they don’t expect full crossover and coverage across the board,