In One Place

A whole bunch of words that aren’t really connected and that I’ve been fed up with. I don’t know, I’m struggling for conclusions, still, nothing relates back, I usually find when I write I just start somewhere random, the first sentence, and it’ll circle around for a while expanding and rambling and by the end of it I have a sense of the thought being finished, it draws out a conclusion, giving sense and once again purpose to all of it, this last month I’ve been able to ‘complete’ only a handful of things, it’s very frustrating, this is what I’ve been writing that I’ve almost completed.

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Some things are harder than others, there are lives we weren’t supposed to have, I suppose, if you believe in a cosmic force, does the existence of an inevitability lead some towards and others necessarily away to and from it? I suppose it could, if that’s how you wanted to see it, it still gives that wonderful childish glow of possibility when you remember again that we are sensory creatures and our reality is based on the information our senses feed to us, the possibilities are just tremendous then aren’t they? The patronising and illinformed will announce proudly that whilst they lack much control over reality they have total dominion over their minds, which isn’t true, total? Noble goal, but hardly within the realm of simplicity.

Drug experimentation is a fascinating event just for that, the first time you tried a drug, was that you? I’ve got a complicated character, thousands of decisions, some I’ve elected as more important than others, little ultimatums in the mind, things I simply wouldn’t do, and things one must, but drugs change all that, I lose my character, I lose my sense of self, which is really quite revealing, but my sense of self, which I thought was a complete being, is really just the net character in a series of example questions/situations, I can accurately predict responses because I’ve been using, what I understand to be the same ‘character’ for decades, I rationalise, as do most, if I know the conclusion, then I’ve got control. However drugs change that, suddenly my responses to the situations I’ve experienced, hundreds, thousands of times, changes, so is it still me?

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Hopefully simple lines become more as we age them and give them to others. Certain melodies seem content, others energetic, it’s interesting, I suppose how much emotion you can have communicated to you from a song depends on what you’re looking for, what you’ve got, and probably what one lacks. Music is a bit special in that it’s a medium where words can switch the priority of their functions, so their sound is more important than their meaning, maybe that’s what is appealing, it’s nice to just hear the sounds, without expending any thought on it as one must when listening to the meaning of a lyric. A talented lyricist is a rare thing anyway, most lyrics in songs are nonsensical or some other order of pointless.

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Conspiracy is another complex subject. It’s one of those things that is rarely treated with well considered thought, people either warmly embrace or utterly reject it, there is little middle ground.

A simple question that I find provides deeply diveded responses:

Would you cheat on a test if you were confident you could get away with it?

If you said no, then what if you would certainly fail the examination if you didn’t cheat?

If you said yes then let’s see how far you’d go. What if by cheating on this test, you advantaged yourself and by doing so disadvantaged someone else?

University entrance exams are a good and simple example, as there are a limited number of spots at university and they’re usually decided upon ranking, every person you do better than you necessarily displace in the order.

So, let us say then, that you decided not to cheat and took your failing the exam with grace. Why did you do it? A natural response is character integrity.

Do you not think that is stupid? For some perspective, in the wider scheme of things, you have affected your university options, this is a major life changing event, what subject you study, which university, where you’re likely to find employment afterwards based on the desirability of your degree.

Is it still worth protecting a sense of integrity in a situation where you have an opportunity to gain immensely The usual divide is, is it better to do the smart thing and cheat, or intentionally disadvantage yourself and remain righteous?

There is no right answer obviously.

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This is a beautiful song, rambling and va

ried, very unusual, purely instrumental, a bit long I suppose at 7 minutes, but it builds beautifully. I often imagine, what it must be like for someone with that talent to just, create, melody and tones.

Balmorhea – Truth