Fall & Carry

The natural properties are still elusive, it’s raining heavily this morning, sort of like a heavy mist in the air, clouds collapsing, I can’t see the city skyline for it though, I wonder how much rain it takes for something to become imperceptible? How much refraction must occur before it’s all made invisible? I’m fond of the rain, I’ve taken to standing in it with my eyes closed and arms outstretched, I try to count the drops, then after a few minutes I try and predict where the big drops will fall on my arms and hands, focusing the entirety of your thoughts onto the few square centimeters of your arms is interesting. We’re very sensitive, the under side of the arm, the soft side that doesn’t see much light.

Rivers carry the same fondness for me, it was nice sitting in the river a month or so back, we found a tree that had fallen into the water, mostly submerged, just a small portion of it above the surface, it must have been there a while as the wood was perfectly smooth, stones had gathered against it from the force of the river, and if you sat with your back to the flow, against the tree the water would swirl in such a way as to carry you off with a great force, but holding onto the tree with your hands, you simply floated, whilst the water rushed against your back, massaging. We then decided to float on down the river, about 4 or 5 km, through low and high water, we emerged just as it was getting dark and used an animal track to find our way back to the car, river mud is hard to get off your skin, but that was an advantage, we rubbed it along our feet and legs to stop the feeling of the grass whipping against us as we walked back, and of course in case we came across anything itchy or poisonous, it was very successful, mud is sort of, nature’s shoes.

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November 29, 2010

i love rivers, they’re my favourite body of water.

November 29, 2010

refraction is such a beautiful word. water is such a beautiful thing. water and light. r: do you really think love is unavoidable? i think perhaps i’ve been thinking about your note all day and feeling less certain about how i did when i wrote that entry. oxytocin and love.. maybe this should be an email conversation.

November 30, 2010

😮 I love water. The sound of it, the look of it, the smell of it, the feel of it. Yet I’m quite terrified of it at times. RYN: If so, I hope it’s a trial I don’t lose.

November 30, 2010

I love the rain. It’s an amazing feeling to just stand outside, eyes closed, and take it all in. Ryn: That’s what I figure. Seeing these “flaws” are his problem, not mine.

November 30, 2010

RYN: That would be a murse, or better known as a man purse. They aren’t very popular because men often get tagged as being gay when they have/use them, but they do exist.

December 3, 2010

welcome Ishin

December 5, 2010

I’ve always felt connected to the water. My favourite kisses are the ones in the rain. It, strangely enough, makes me feel more connected to the earth. I can lose myself in the beauty.

December 5, 2010

Thank you for your note. It was a long time before I was ready to start taking anti-depressants, I imagine it will be much the same for any kind of sleeping stuff I take. What I worry about the most I suppose is I have a really addictive personality. Put anything I enjoy in front of me, and I will probably abuse it. I already have too much wrong with me, I don’t want to add anything else to the

December 5, 2010

list. Do/did you go to psychotherapy? I’d really like someone to talk to about it. I spent so long being silent, now I’ve started talking I don’t think I can stop :p

June 26, 2011

“We’re very sensitive, the under side of the arm, the soft side that doesn’t see much light.” God, that made me shiver.