+Skin For Skin

Hey guys, I’m back from the hospital sooner than expected, so I can finally post in my own person.  My right side feels heavier than the rest of my body put together, and stairs are very hard for me, but I am alive and doing MUCH better than previously.

This has been been more than just a random sickness;  it has been a profound life-changing event.  I am a different person than I was before this, and I’m still exploring the ramifications of what is new.  Basically, it was a spiritual struggle.  I am reconstructing what happened as best I can;  I spent nine days in the ICU which I have no ‘real’ memory of, save of battles in prayer.  After that, I spent five days in a regular room recovering rapidly, which has culminated in my arriving home today.

Basically, when I first started to feel sick, I offered the sickness and any suffering that it would entail for the sake of the Poor Souls.  I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for at the time, of course. 😛

When I was delirious in the ICU, I repeatedly experienced this Scripture:
And Satan answered the LORD and said, "Skin for skin! All that a man has will he give for his life. But now put forth your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and surely he will blaspheme you to your face." And the LORD said to Satan, "He is in your power; only spare his life." (Job 2:4-6)
Trying to understand this very Old-Testament passage in the light of Christ, I see Satan as jumping on my commitment to try to break it.  "Aw, isn’t that sweet!  But do you really mean it?  How about if things get this bad?  Or THIS bad?  What if it costs you your life, hm?  Are you prepared to give up your life?"

I can recall disjointed hours of prayer in which I reaffirmed my love for God, my rejection of Satan, and my dedication of my suffering for the Poor Souls.  By the grace of Christ, I stood firm;  I did not give in to temptation (save on some tertiary issues I’ve already confessed), and I did not go back on my commitment.  I offered my very life for the Poor Souls, and at that point, my recovery became astonishingly rapid.

The difference this makes is that, of course, talk is cheap.  I KNOW now that I can offer my life out of love for people I don’t even know, and MEAN it.  The glory belongs to the Cross of Christ, not to me;  nevertheless I know that now by grace.

I don’t see how this knowledge can fail to leave me unchanged.  What the changes will be I as yet do not know.  But I know that I feel a lot more confident in my faith.  You can bet that Fr. Gerald and I am going to talk about it extensively.