+Oh, Come and See!

I was on a very memorable People of Praise retreat this weekend.  Mostly for great good, partly for ill.

I’ve got a new intercessor. 🙂  Or rather, finally acknowledged an old one.  The retreat was held in a house run by sisters (I forget the order), and they had all sorts of pamphlets one could take.  I idly picked up one with the title, "An Imaginary Confession", because I wondered what that could mean.  Turns out it was dramatizing a particular point in the form of a made-up confession.

The penitent was a woman who had committed abortion years ago, and had long since returned whole-heartedly to the Church.  She remained deeply troubled about what she’d done to her unborn daughter, and couldn’t understand why these troubled feelings got more intense as she drew closer to God.  The priest asked a few questions about it, and concluded that God was using the memory of her daughter to draw her to holiness.  Her love for her daughter was a reflection of God’s love.  He also pointed out that it wasn’t conceivable that God would use her daughter as a means of grace to her without the child sharing in those graces.  So as a penance he told her to give her unborn daughter a name if she hadn’t already and tell her of her feelings and ask for her prayers.

This followed with a theological analysis of the "confession".  It pointed out, among other things, that the priest’s response wasn’t predicated on any particular theory on the fate of unbaptized children.  It was simply predicated on the love of God, and the fact that the child couldn’t be a channel of grace without sharing in that grace.

What does this have to do with me?  I had a stillborn older brother.  I know very little about him, as my mom has only mentioned him once or twice.  I know he was never given a name, though.  Upon reading this pamphlet – which deeply moved me – I suddenly remembered that I’d mentioned my brother to Fr. Gerald once, years ago.  He had urged me to ask his prayers, and when I said I didn’t know what to call him, he said, "Just make up a name!"  This was relatively early in my walk with the Church, and the conversation kinda creeped me out, so I conveniently forgot about it.

Over time, though, on this as in many other issues, my attitude has been transformed.  This now seemed a very right and proper thing to do.  So I prayed for a time, asking God, "What is my brother’s name, Lord?  What do you want me to call him?"  I wasn’t expecting an answer as immediate and clear as the one I got:  The single word, very firm, "Andrew."

At first I wondered if my imagination was playing tricks on me, as I’d had a conversation with one of my students earlier in the day whose name is Andy.  But as I pondered it, awe fell upon me.  I remembered the first chapter of the Gospel of John:

The next day John was there again with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he said, "Behold, the Lamb of God."  The two disciples heard what he said and followed Jesus.  Jesus turned and saw them following him and said to them, "What are you looking for?" They said to him, "Rabbi" (which translated means Teacher), "where are you staying?"  He said to them,"Come, and you will see." So they went and saw where he was staying, and they stayed with him that day. It was about four in the afternoon.  Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, was one of the two who heard John and followed Jesus.  He first found his own brother Simon and told him, "We have found the Messiah" (which is translated Anointed).  Then he brought him to Jesus. [John 1:35-42a]

There’s St. John the Baptist!  AGAIN!  That guy’s been found in all sorts of suspicious company. 🙂  And…

Imagine Jesus asking a child in the womb, "What are you looking for?"  "Where are you staying, Lord?"  "Come and see!"

And after he gets used to the place, the first thing he does is to go looking for his younger brother, to let him know about Jesus too…

It’s very, very weird, but very, very good.  I think this is the beginning (from my end, anyway) of a really beautiful friendship…

More on the retreat later.  That’s enough for now.  But – please keep praying for me, Andrew!

P.S.  I just realized – you can definitely see why St. John the Baptist might have an interest in unborn children knowing the Lord, too!  This just gets stranger but more appropriate the more I think about it.

By the way, my birthday is August 29.  The Beheading of John the Baptist.  So I’ve always kinda thought of him as in some sense my saint, even before I was Catholic.  (I knew what the date was from my grandmother’s calendar.)  I don’t have a saint’s name, so he and my Confirmation saint (St. Thomas the Apostle and, in my eyes, also a bit of St. Thomas Aquinas) have been stand-ins. 🙂

Dang – here’s something ELSE I only just noticed!  One of the most special Marian feasts for me is the Visitation, because it’s the day I consecrated myself to her.  It just all ties together very strangely!

No, I had never made these connections before.  I’m weirded out in a good way all over again!

P.P.S.  You know, it feels really good to have an older brother all of a sudden.  I’ve been the eldest all my life, and I’ve wondered what it would be like.  Watch out for me, bro! 🙂  And thank you for him, Father!