The People who Shape us.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Of course, when am I not thinking, lol. I’m always pondering something. The other day I sat down and wrote a little about the influence my grandparents had on me as a child. I didn’t post it in here so don’t go looking for it. Anyway, I’m more like my grandparents than anyone in my family. My dad’s parents. They’re very kind, gentle, wonderful people, and I love them dearly. I always felt so loved, and that’s something that’s very important for a child. Even during times when I was angry and resentful towards my father, their son, they were always there, they let me have my feelings. They never say things like “You have to love this person because they’re family”, which I hear from so many other families. My grandparents are my role models, and have been for a very long time. The other person I’m a lot like is my father. I have his short temper, his strength and his strong-willed need to triumph over every problem I am faced with. I am nothing like my mother, I do love my mother but I don’t agree with her most of the time, her life, her way of looking at things. She comes off to me as a defeated person. She accepts her position in life, the wrongs in the world, her problems, as things that can’t be changed. She see’s my desire to jump out there and try to make a difference in this world as silly. I don’t want to just go through life like she does, I want to be a part of life, I want to make a difference.

It’s amazing though to look at the people in your life, the people who’ve had an opportunity to shape you into the person you are today. To see what you’ve walked away with and what you haven’t. Family, friends, everyone who enters your life, even for a moment, has a chance to shape the person you become. I am, though still very much my own person, a big conglomeration of everyone I’ve ever known.

I wonder how much my view of everything will change as I move forward. Especially since I’m planning to step into psychology classes that can’t help but challenge my views of life, of people, of myself. Even with the knowledge I have attained over the past couple of years I see my views, my idea’s, my beliefs all changing. 3 years ago I would have told you that yes, I believe in capital punishment. I believed in a life for a life, but now I do not. Now that I understand better what these people are, that they’re not necessarily just committing crimes for the thrill, that the reasons are often more deeply rooted than that.

I am so excited that I finally have the opportunity to go to school. I am, in all honesty, a little frightened by the thought of returning to school. School was never a happy place for me. I was picked on a lot, I never fit in or anything, never really had many friends. From what I understand college is different though so that’s why I’m willing to try it. I’ll have to get my associate’s degree going part time so it will take me more than the two years, that’s okay though. I’m just going to start with one class in January, the first semester, to transition back into the whole routine of classes and homework.

Anyway, I’m going to end this for now, I’m getting kind of sleepy.

“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep…” ~Robert Frost