Final Thoughts About the Trip

Back to work, it’s not too bad though because I’m not stressed. When I got here I had one peice of mail, a binder of forms on my desk, one voicemail and about 20 e-mails. All in all that’s not bad, and nothing was seriously urgent. I chatted with my boss about a couple things she needed me to do, then we chatted about vacation. She’s going to New Orleans next week. I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time, I really needed the break. Sometimes you just have to stop and remember what life is all about. Life isn’t about the rat race we run every day. Life is about enjoyment. One thing I know I need to do is take the focus off how much I hate my job and just focus on the things I enjoy at home. My cats, Sara, my home in general, hiking, weekends, my flute. I’ve got to stop letting how I feel about my job run my life. This job is just that, a job, it pays the bills for now. I’m doing better than my parents were at my age and that’s something to be proud of.

My dad telling me how proud he was of how I turned out really opened my eyes to how much I’ve really changed in the past couple of years. I took a little time on the drive to try to see what he might have seen in me to make him say that. There was one person who said to him “This isn’t your daughter, she’s too polite!” and stuff like that. I also realized just how much like my mother I am. Really, it’s quite scary, I’ll have to post a picture sometime but I look just like her, I sound just like her, I walk just like her. Seriously scary, let me tell you. I noticed in one of the stores my mom frequents one of the checkers she knew was looking at me then looking over at her, she did that a couple times. lol I’m different than my mom in every other way though. Our likeness is only skin deep, on the inside we’re two entirely different people. As far as the way I think and do things I’m a lot more like my dad. My mom never questions anything, my dad questions everything. My dad is inventive and creative. I realized too just how intelligent my dad is, he’s just not book smart, he can’t spell, things like that. But really, he’s quite intelligent, I never really saw him that way growing up, but he is. I have a greater appreciation for both my parents as people now, they’re more than just “the parents” now.

My step-dad really liked Sara. He said we did a good job picking her out. My mom kept going on about how much she looked like Snookie, the dog I grew up with that had to be put down, the one my step-dad showed. I caught my step-dad just staring at her a few times, she really does look a lot like his show-dog did. That was my goal though, I wanted one that looked just like her, not because I wanted to replace her or anything, it’s just that to me, that’s what a golden should be like. Sara is perfect to me. She was so good on the trip too, the drive yesterday wore on all of us, not to mention Jersey and NY rest stops just weren’t very dog friendly so she didn’t get to get out of the car much. She looked exhausted by the time we got home but she was a real trooper, she had every opportunity to drive us crazy, she could have whined and barked but she didn’t, she laid quietly in the back seat, patiently awaiting our next stop. After we got home she played and went to sleep. I think she was as glad to see home as we were.

Our trip was a good one. I feel like a learned a little about my family members and even a little about myself. Some things were heartbreaking like the state my grandfather is in with his alzhiemers. I live every day knowing I may never see him again but I’ve come to accept that. I know he doesn’t want to be a burden, his worse fear has always been becoming like his father, which he has now. I know his passing will be somewhat of a relief to him and I have more beautiful memories of him than any grandchild could ever wish for. Other things were great, like seeing my cousins and the people they’re turning into, I love my cousins, I see all three of them doing something really great with their lives.

I hope we’ll be able to go back to Tulsa soon, next October is our goal, but for now, it’s back to work. 🙂