Etiquette

Ok, pet peeve time. 🙂

I am a huge fan of etiquette. You don’t have to be little Miss or Mister manners, but, I do expect at least basic manners to be respected and utilized in all my social or business activities. It’s important to me because not only does it show me that you’re not an idiot, but it also shows me that you care enough about yourself to not want to come off as ignorant or just plain rude.

I don’t expect everyone to know how to set a table for a full three course meal. I also don’t expect everyone to keep their elbows off the table, their napkin in their lap while sipping tea with their pinky in the air at a casual dinner. What I’m talking about are very basic rules your mother should have taught you as a very small child.

For your edification, and so I can get the bitching out of my system, I’m going to share the things that drive me nuts on a daily basis. I’ll divide them neatly into lists by category:

Dining:

1. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of eating with others is the fact that most of the people I know don’t seem to understand that when there’s food in thier mouth it is to stay closed. I do not have a desire to see the half masticated food in your mouth, I don’t care how funny the joke is you have to tell me is it can wait until you have properly swallowed your food. When chewing lips stay together, chewed food = nasty. Enough said.

2. The people across the room from you should not be able to hear your conversation whether you are on a cellular phone or talking to others at your table. Indoor voice please. This includes yelling at the waitress to get her attention. Make eye contact with the waiter/waitress, they’ll get the clue to come by.

3. Cell phones, pagers, and other distracting devices are to be turned off or at least to vibrate in restaurants.

4. Children should not be allowed to be anywhere but in their seat unless they are accompanied by an adult to the restroom facility or out of the restaurant completely.

5. Don’t stare. Do you have any idea how many people I’ve had sit across from me at another table and stare over other people’s shoulders at me. Do you have any idea how obnoxious this is?? You don’t know me, don’t stare. If you think you know me from somewhere ask politely but don’t stare.

Office:

1. Again, indoor voice, indoor voice, indoor voice. Some people are highly sensitive to sounds like me, for instance. Even those that aren’t would probably appreciate not having to ask a client to yell into the phone.

2. Knock. Just because I don’t have a door doesn’t mean you can walk in a plop your crap down on my desk without a proper invite. Tap on my wall, I’ll turn around and greet you. If you have something to show me I will politely clear a spot for you.

3. Be cautious of keeping conversations in hallways to a minimum, not only are they distracting but you block the hallway, if you must block the hallway please pay attention if someone needs to pass.

General Public:

1. It’s always important to be aware of your surroundings, especially when you’re impeding or simply annoying someone else. Some examples are blocking an entire isle with your cart and your body while checking out what’s new in People Magazine. Waiting in line behind someone and bumping them incessently, kicking chairs in theaters etc..

2. Bathe, brush those teeth, and make sure your clothes do not smell. Body odor is and I cannot stress this enough, extremely unnactractive.

3. Keep those children under control. Children should not yell, run, pester or otherwise annoy other people.

4. When behind the wheel common courtesy is an absolute must as well as common sence. Getting on someone’s tail in rush hour traffic isn’t going to solve anything whereas if you want to drive 100 mile’s on one of those long stretches of roads, way down in southern Indiana and Illinois for example, go right ahead, just don’t honk at me and flip me off for going the speed limit.

5. Respect others.

It seems like common courtesy is lost on a good 75% of the population. Not everyone took a half semester of etiquette in high school like I did but I can guarantee that everyone was taught some manners by someone. I have little to no respect for a person that invites me to dinner and sits there chewing with their mouth open, all the while belching and not excusing themself. I’m a realist and I understand the occasional belch, the occasional uncontrollable laughter that results in food exiting one’s mouth. But I can’t understand how someone, say a business executive, can sit at a table with a perspective client flashing half masticated food all the while complaining about every little thing to the waitress and making sure the whole restaurant hears of his newest money making business deal! It’s disgusting and makes me wonder what’s wrong with our society.

I’m no little miss perfect, I’m not very neat, my house is a catastrophe because I hate, hate, hate cleaning. I’ve been known to spew soda. I also burp and yes, fart while sitting at my desk, on my couch or in my bed at home. But in public, not a chance!