8/6/2003

So, I’m uh, at home today. Morale was low this morning so I didn’t really want to get out of bed. I’ve been depressed lately. Since Sunday. I get this way sometimes when the world decides to slap me in the face and scream “You’re so fucking different from everyone else!”

It’s like being in a rut. Monday and Tuesday I couldn’t work, all I could do was sit there. I had the work in front of me but bringing myself to do it was like bringing myself to pour boiling water over my hand. It just wasn’t happening. I changed all of two names in the excel spreadsheet in two days.

I needed something different to break myself out of the rut, I needed to stay home, away from society, locked away in my little house, up in my dark little room.

So here I am, I sent my boss an e-mail saying I didn’t feel all that great and would be working from home. A lot of people might call this “playing hooky” but I call it a “mental health day”. I need one of those once in awhile. Otherwise I get stuck in that rut and get so down all I can do is think about how much I hate my life, society, and everything.

I feel good right now, I’m surrounded by my pets. 🙂 I’m also in my favorite room, our dark, quiet, warm, office. The sun is breaking through the clouds somewhat but you wouldn’t know it with a blanket over window. I am in my cave and I am happy. 🙂

I’ve even accomplished more real work today than I have in the past two days at work.

In my boss’s response to my working from home e-mail she said she wants to meet with me first thing tomorrow about CMS. (Our new Online Content Management System) Apparently I get to start moving things over to CMS which means, I get to start working with HTML at work somewhat. I love HTML. I can sit and do that for hours and the time just flies by. Granted this isn’t the same as typing it out in Notepad, but still, it’s something.

Did I mention I have poison Ivy on my thumb? At least that’s what it looks like. I was around some, on Sunday, but only for a split second. I got upset while driving and had to pull over on a back road so hubby could take over. I happened to pull over right next to a bunch of poison Ivy. I thought I had successfully avoided it but maybe not. I’m hoping no more of it springs up anywhere. This shit makes me miserable as it does most everyone who’s allergic to it! 🙂 Everyone in my family is severely allergic to poison Ivy. My mom has a hell of a story about the time she got it on her arm. They put calamine lotion on her poison ivy and she found out she’s also allergic to that, her arm swelled up so bad from the calamine lotion that the doctors were considering amputation! The first time I got poison Ivy was after being lost in the woods for 12 hours. Don’t think I’ve ever told that story here. I’ll do that next. Anyway, my mom was telling me not to put calamine on it. I did anyway and I’m not allergic to calamine. I don’t seem to have any of my moms skin allergies, she’s allergic to Tide laudry detergent and I’m not. The only soap she can use is Ivory and I can use anything. I do get eczema in the winters but that didn’t start until I moved to CT where the winters are really cold and dry.

So yeah, the lost in the woods story. It was a warm summer day in Oklahoma. Me, my dad and my step-mom were meeting my step-moms parents at a campground for a picnic. After dinner me, my step-mom and her neice decided to go for a little hike. Well, we ended up on a really long hike and it started getting dark. We had no flashlights and I was wearing sandals. We ended up taking a maintenence road that looked like a shortcut. This was no shortcut. We walked for hours and finally a park ranger found us. He led us to the lake where a pontoon boat was waiting for us to take us back to the campground. Once we got back my dad said that they had found us using helicoptors with thermal imaging equipment. They were able to see us down on that road, and apparently we’re not the first people this has happened to. 🙂 I ended up with poison ivy all over my legs, hands and face. That sucked big-time but makes for a fun story. 🙂

So anyway, I should go find a cd to pop in and get some more work done.