4/15/04

Things are going pretty well. I’m definitely going back to work on the 26th of April. I’m nervous and that’s what I ended up talking about in therapy today. My therapist gave me some ideas and told me his opinion on what I should tell inquisitive people when I go back to work and stuff.

He also helped me validate what happened with my breakdown. We talked about how things can trigger memories from your childhood and how what happened to me can happen to anyone. He even shared a story where he had a panic attack in a certain situation when something unexpected triggered a memory of something that happened in his childhood. He said the good thing is, this only happens once because next time you know how to deal with it. But that’s not to say something completely different can’t do the same thing. I just have to remember that when someone is picking on me or treating me like I’m no good that I’m not that scared little kid anymore, I’m not in Oklahoma anymore.

I feel stronger. I mean, to a degree I still feel weak and afraid, but I do feel more confident and I haven’t felt hopelessly depressed for close to a month now. My therapist said he thinks 2 more sessions will probably do it for me, and unless I want to stay and talk about other things we’ll end in two weeks (actually it’s going to be three weeks cuz he has a week of vacation in between my last two sessions). I’ve been trying to decide if I should stick around and talk about other things. I guess I’ll just have to see what I feel when we’re finally ready to end my sessions.

Anyway, things are going well here. I’m terrified of going back to work, but I’m sure it’ll be okay and for now I’m not going to worry about it.