11/7/03

I should quit going to Oklahoma. I forgot what it was like to enjoy being surrounded by family. To be surrounded by people I’m comfortable around, that I love and that love me back.

The lonliness I’ve felt lately has been overwhelming. So overwhelming that I just can’t truly enjoy anything. I was numb to it before we left, numb to the fact that when hubby has class or things to do with friends that I’m left alone, with no one to call, no one to hang out with but the god damned stink bugs and spiders.

I want my husband to enjoy his life but it’s so…fucking…hard to watch someone come and go with friends and stuff when you have no one but that person. Especially when the only thing in the world you wish for yourself is friendship…

I have to regain my numbness to this feeling of lonliness before I go insane.