10/15/03

Okay, if the guy that sits across from me doesn’t quit making disgusting bodily noises I’m going to be forced to go over there and beat him over the head with my shoe!! This is the same idiot that walks out into the hallway and farts. He’s also the same idiot that calls everyone “Big Boy” on the phone. The first thing I heard when I came back to my desk with my coffee this morning was him saying “What’s up big boy” to someone on the phone. They’re supposed to be moving this moron out of his current office and giving it to my boss, then again they’ve been talking about this for over a year now so who knows when they’re actually going to do it.

We have yet to do a damn thing to prepare for our trip. lol How bad are we? Here’s our to-do list?

Change oil in car

Replace wiper blades

Purchase valve cap for tire missing one

Fix rear speakers in car

Clean, dry, and store pool for winter

Purchase allergy medicine, doggy pads, xtra cat litter

Do laundry

Wash dishes

Vacuum

Tidy up house

Find sunglasses that went AWOL

Clean Sara’s crate

Kitten-proof air vent in bedroom

Pre-Measure meals for Sara (18)

Install AOL *cringes at thought* on laptop

Find hotel for Sunday night, the 26th, in PA

Friday night:

Have neighbors over

Clean chicken coop

Bathe Sara

Clean fish tanks

One last load of laundry

Pack everything we don’t need in the morning

That’s it, we have 2 nights to get all this crap done, I’m not including Friday because I’ve reserved for last minute things. 🙂 It just hasn’t hit me that we’re actually going on a road trip so I haven’t been motivated. It’s weird, in my head I know we’re leaving at 7am sharp Saturday morning but in the back of my mind it’s like it’s not really happening. *shrugs* Last time I was so excited I had everything done days in advance. I think there’s just so much here now, with the kittens and everything, that I can’t switch gears. It probably won’t really hit me until Friday night. *shrugs* We have plenty of time provided we don’t slack off again tonight. 🙂 If we get the car stuff done tonight, and the pool, we can do all the indoor stuff tomorrow or the other way around.

We might have a home for Kitten #3. Someone has to check with their landlord and if it’s okay he wants Kitten 3. yay! So now it’s only 4 & 5 that need homes. Really, I thought those two little cuties would go first. I’m still kind of hoping our neighbors will fall for Kitten 5 while we’re away next week and they’re caring for them. They loved him when they first met him. I’m hoping when we come back from vacation we’ll have only one more home to find. We’ll see. 🙂

I’ve been reading a book on Anxiety. It’s been more of a smack in the face that I would like. I just started the first chapter this morning. I finished the Introduction and went on to Chapter one. Already I’m realizing just how much of this is self-inflicted, all of it really. It’s not that it’s my fault necessarily, but it’s no one else’s fault either. I can’t blame the person that decided to harrass me outside for my not wanting to go out alone anymore. Sure, that was a scary situation but what are the chances of that happening again? I also think my low self-esteem and the way I carry myself tends to lend me to harrassing more than other people because I look weak and/or nervous. I can’t go through life afraid that just because I do something, something bad is going to happen. Playing the “What if” game with myself is only tearing me down further and further. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m damn near house-bound if I have no one “safe” (my hubby) to go anywhere with. I’m not sure why I’m doing this to myself, I’ve always been a nervous person, I’ve always been afraid something bad will happen to me. I’m terrified of pain. For now, I’m working on my negative thoughts and calming the anxiety and worry when it crops up. In addition to this I think getting myself into a band and giving myself something to do alone, without my hubby, will be good for me. I can meet some new people and work on regaining some of my independence, and in turn, give hubby some of his.

Anyway, it’s nearly lunchtime so I’m off.