06/10/03

This sucks.

I don’t know what it’s like for “normal” people but I get fucking nervous as all hell before I do anything that involves anything social. It’s 5:20 right now and we’re leaving around 6:15. I just started getting really nervous. I’m all shaky and my hands are all clammy. I feel like I do when I’m going to the dentist for a filling! Eep!! I hate this shit. I really wish I could just be all cool and confident but I can’t.

The good news is my head looks normal now. I took an “extra” shower this morning and am all better now. My hair’s neat and trimmed and dyed. My makeup is on and looking decent. I cleaned and polished my flute. All I have left to do is use the sticky roller to get the cat hair off my flute bag and I’m good to go. I’m lookin sharp and have a tummy full of butterflies. Could someone pass me a butterfly net please?

My day home was nice, I didn’t get much for e-mails or anything all day so I didn’t have to do much actual work. One bitchy woman e-mailed me all saying she didn’t know why I fucked something up but I wrote her back and told her, I didn’t fuck anything up it was her e-mail that wasn’t clear, so pfffft. I spent about an hour in the pathetipool and I’m sunburned. Not bad though. My shoulders and chest are warm to the touch but the burn won’t hurt by morning and will fade away to tan in a day or two. I like that I tan here, I never tanned when I lived in Oklahoma. I just fried, turned red and turned back white again. I’m going to see if it’s possible for my legs to tan. I haven’t worn shorts in 3 years but I bought a couple pairs this year to wear around the house and in the yard. I was always embarrassed for anyone to see my chubby white legs. My legs look crappy even when they’re thin so shorts aren’t something I wear often. My legs are bent funny. My knee’s kind of go in and below my knee goes out. It’s really obvious and I hate it. I usually just wear baggy or wide leg pants to hide it.

Ugh, sooooo nervous.

I guess I probably won’t post about the rehearsal until tomorrow. I’ll probably be tired when I get home considering 9pm is normally when I start thinking about sleeping and I don’t expect to get home until 9:30 tonight. Plus I’ll still have to take my shower so I’ll post about how it went tomorrow morning from work.

I guess I should probably go.