strobin’ with my homies

I am in bed early again, because I score a zero on the life scale! Possibly even a negative number, and odd negative number, not an even negative number.

I did nothing all day long. Im not proud. There was plenty of things I could have done, but none of it sounded appealing. Oh wait, I take that back, I watched the gold medal game for womens soccer. That was something I wanted to do. I was pretty happy with the outcome, but I was mostly impressed with the way the women played, both US and Japan. I love watching women play soccer. Its so awesome. They play smart! The game was the thrill of my day. Thats sad, so very sad!!

I dropped my car off to a mechanic yesterday evening. I really couldn’t tell you what had to be done. I know nothing about cars and their parts and all that comes along with it. My mom isn’t so thrilled about my lack of knoledge when it comes to cars. She grew up learning about that stuff because her father was an airplane and auto mechanic, and my great great…well I don’t know how many greats it is…grandfather was some sort of pioneer in the whole auto thingy…Its clear how well I know the history of my family….anyway, to get back to what I was saying…what was I saying? Something about cars. My car. Yes…right, I don’t know  what was being done, but it was suppose to be done by today. Was it? Of course not. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about that. I was stuck at home and had no sort of automobile-ish escape. I need that escape…I just need it. I don’t like to stay put. I don’t stay put well. Yeah, I have my own two feet to get me places, but I didn’t really use them to their best ability. My sisters were at work, my friend is away on vacation (must be nice)…I got bored quickly, which pissed me off, which made me want to do nothing. I could have napped, but I can’t nap, I don’t nap well either. I hung out with my crafty monster for a little, but that certainly isn’t productive. I eventually ended up baking up the whole damn kitchen, it was either that or pacing back and forth, or pestering the cat. I baked brownies, cookies and muffins, and had none of it. After that I couldn’t help myself any longer and pestered the cat. That juts pissed him off, but I guess thats what I was hoping for, because I find great amusement in that. He tore up some paper, tried to smack me, then ran away. The whole ordeal lasted maybe five to seven minutes?? I could have ran after him and picked him up and made him do the kitty dance, but I figured he had already been through enough. There was a decent storm tonight, the the thought of goinng outside to fish for lightning like in Stardust breifly crossed my mind, but I thought better of it. There is always another day!

I watched a little bit of olympic track and field tonight. Holy Cannoli…some of those guys looked pretty tasty. Track is cool.

I am also glad it rained because it saved me the trip of watering the garden that dosen’t belong to me. Thank you Mother Earth for doing my job for me. Well done and high five! Can you do it again tomorrow? Well no, I do sort of enjoy the perk of the tree house, maybe, Mother Earth, you could just do it one more time, like in two days or something. I only have until the twelfth to enjoy the tree house.

I think I am regressing in age.

Remember Moon Shoes? I got a pair of Moon Shoes for my birthday one year, I can’t remember what age I was, I think maybe nine or ten. I loved my Moon Shoes. I wasn’t the most cordinated moon shoer but they were fun. I want another pair of Moon Shoes. There was some great toys back then. I remember having a black light and strobe light in my room. I thought I was super cool. I had those crazy velvety black light posters too and I would try to turn my room into some sort of dance club…I was around ten, what did I know about clubs? Nothing..but I still had a great time anyway. I’d crank up the strobe and put on some Ace Of Base, or whatever it was that was cool at the time, and hop all around. I liked the strobe light because it altered the state of my mind, thats right, I got an early start with the mind altering. It would make my sisters and friends dizzy, but I got along just fine with the strobe. I also enjoyed spinning around in circles.

I had a very strong urge to get high today.I was able to get through it which I’m pretty proud of. It just sort of hit me out of nowhere. I havn’t really had that strong urge in a while. At the moment, it sounded so appealing, and to be honest it still sounds some what appealing. Perhaps it will always feel that way, I don’t know that that sort of thing truley subsides. Or if it does, I’m not to that point yet. I think its because I have been self medicating in some form for a very long time, and I don’t know any other way to live. That makes me feel pretty pathetic. I don’t know how to feel true feelings. I like how it feels not to feel. That will be very hard to overcome!!!! Its a scary thought, but its something I will have to work on. Theres no knowing how long that will take. I have taken very small steps towards that, but then there is times when I don’t feel like trying at all.

Well this has taken a turn, huh? Fond childhood memories to drugs and numbness! Where is the middle in all of this. Not much connection. All except the mind altering thing I guess. Thats the connection….yeah, Im going to go with that.

Ummmmm…..

No more to write I suppose. If I did it would be a whole lot more of the rambling like I did with the above. Im saving you time and effort. Your welcome!