stacked cup spoon light.

My stubbornness shined through last night like a bright ray of burning sunshine. I had been slowly working on my ed groups 7th tradition box (the donation box) all week. Due to a lot of procrastanation and my inability to focus on one project for more than….well not long at all, I ended up with most of the work still needing to be done by late lst night for it to be ready by Saturdy early afternoon. I was okay with that because I wanted to make the box…..safe positive outlet attempt…….and I work better when I know I need to buckle my ass down and finish things (no more excuses) Anyway, I sat down to finish the box but not even an hour into working on it, the electricity went out. It ws dark and I really needed the overhead light to do what I wanted to do with the box. I was so pissed off. Now, the healthy or perhaps more reasonable thing to do would have been to just let the damn box go unfinished and work on it later when there was better light. But no, not me, I had my mind set on finishing the box that night, and letting it go wasn’t an option….I just had to finish it or I…..I don’t know…I would explode or something, or at least hd felt unsettled. So instead I kicked the table, shouted at an inanimte object…because really, it was all the box’s fault…..chucked shit around…huffed and puffed and blew the house down…..I just wanted to get the damn box done with electricity. So after all the fizzy and tizzy fits, I began to come up with a solution on a way to make finishing the box possible…holding a flashlight with one hand and trying to paint and glue and cut, just wasn’t working…candles only gave off so much light, and it wasn’t the so much kind of light I needed…I opened and slammed cupboards and finally (some what) solved the lighting issue with this contraption…………..

….A stacked cup kitchen utensil flashlight dodad…..which is very very lame, but some sort of overhead light non the less. Did that really help? Not so much …sure it gave me enough light to finish, but I didn’t finish it to the best of my ability. By this time I was ready to cry, it was around 1:30am, I was annoyed, hot, frustrated and tired. But did that make me walk away? No. No, I was going to finish it damnit! With all of these negative emotions floating around me, I kept making mistakes which made it even worse, because then I surely had to fix the mistake and wasn’t going to let it go. I should really go and apologize to the table, it took the brunt of my frustration…poor table didn’t do a thing, and it still got beat up. Was the box worth all of that negative energy…of course not, but I’m a stubborn bull! It was all beyond my control, I couldn’t have done anything about the electricity. I sure as hell wanted to though.

I can laugh about it now….and see the ridiculus of it all…..and see that sometimes you have to step away from stubborrness…but come another situation like the above, will I step back? I’m guessing not….because I’m to damn stubborn.

 Well I tried to continue with where I left off last night, and got pretty far until my computer was a tit and decided to some how log off of od. Now I cant remember what I wrote, and again Im pissed off. Lame!!!!!!!

I wrote something about how I suppose I am being tested with the whole serenity prayer thing that I was painting around the box…it asks God to help us accept the things we cannot change….yeeeeaaaahhhhh….

cool.

I rote that Mr. Bean was sitting infront of me at the coffee house…..or rather how cool it wouldl be if it actually was Mr. Bean. Then there was something about Santa Clause and a kid from the old disney channel show Bug Juice.

Then some stuff about babysitting last night…ummm…eneded up at Wegmans because making dinner for the boys seemed like too much….he boys had never been to Wegmans, and they found it pretty thrilling. Then something about my weird insanity about the food ther and how I like to go there to just look at the food.

Then there as a bit about fire works and the boys and I pulling over in the walmartian headcourters parking lot…or landing lot….to watch the fore works. The boys liked that to and their goof ball switch as turned on and a lot of silllyness followed.

…Josh and his dirty crusty boy face

..and Caleb and his clean face

Josh drew a picture of himself….

…He gave himself four legs and a few missing fingers. I love this drawing.

I love kids art.

I think I got the basics of what was deleted…

…And now I am no longer in the mood to continue writing.