Ribbons and connections

After therapy, I spent the rest of my day conversing with the monster. All day! Yarnie had a lot to say, and it was all bad. He wanted me all to himself, and I gave myself to him.

I feel like crap, and I feel very very weak.

I’m suppose to be fighting back, clearly I’m not doing what needs to be done. I’m choosing to take the easy way out. (refers back to the above sentence)

Frustration. Lots of frustration. Buckets full! If the frustration were sand, I could build me a giant frustration palace. Not just a castle. It would be a good idea to build the palace close to the ocean so a wave can sweep it away and take it out to sea! Frustartion away!

If only things were that simple.

So where does the anger and frustartion lie? On me. I am so angry with myself, so annoyed! I have had enough with myself, and I wish I could walk away. Unfortionately things don’t work that way. I can’t seperate myself from myself like an apparition. I have to live with myself, but I want a break! A temporary restraining order. Ughh, that dosen’t even make sense. I don’t know!

Palaces, ghosts, buckets, oceans and waves, restraining orders? How does all of that connect to me and Yarnie? It dosen’t. I’m loosing my mind. My brain is covered in a woven mess, and the cover keeps getting thicker and thicker. My brain s wearing a warm mitten of sorts. If you can help it, dont wear a mittens on your brain, it will only bring about trouble. Thats my advice for the day. Is it sound advice? Probably not, but what can you expect from a person that isn’t very sound. Its just a bunch of ruckus…and rubbish! Like a very bad garage band!….More refrences and connections that have no connection…..except in my mitten covered brain, it makes sense in there!

Its my overactive imagination! My imagination likes to take the road less traveled…and hopefully it a yellow brick road thats less traveled. And hopefully it will end up leading to the Emerald City… eventually! Or at least pass through it, and continue on to the great unknown, where great magic awaits me.

I may not be controlled by batteries, but my mind can keep going and going and going. So the Energizer Bunny can walk the walk, but can he think the think? I think not. Bunny is fueled by batteries, but I am fueled by disordered brain. And I also don’t have long ears, and I’m not pink and fuzzy, nor can I play the drums. Although, I have attempted some drum playing. (it didn’t end well…..okay, my mom sold them behind my back, things could have gotten out of control, and she wasn’t taking any chances!)

And yet again another sad connection attempt. Pink bunny and me?? Yeah…nothing in common there!

I was on a short roll with the wallowing in self pitty talk. Hmmmm. I guess my roll unraveled a little bit and took a turn in another direction. I am invisioning a roll of ribbon rolling slowly down a scary dark and dusty path, when suddenly a strong but quick wind stikes out of nowhere. The roll of ribbon unrolls and wabbles, then begins to roll down another path. The path the ribbon now rolls down is bumpty, hilly, curvy, and zigzaggy. A strobe light blinks continuosly while the ribbon travels further. Ribbon thinks this path is confusing and hard to navigate, but finds it better than the previous dusty and boring path. You never know where such a path can lead. But you also know that the stong wind can strike again at any time.

…That all played out like a story book in my mind. Great, now I have books and yarn up there! And thats all ontop of the carzyness. My head must weigh more than the average human head. What is it, six pounds? Mine is probably closer to ten pounds.