messagain

I forgot it was Halloween. Thats not like me. Sure, i forget about a lot, but not Halloween. I adore Halloween.

I don’t think about much these day. Or I think way to much, and forget to think about the good things. The fun things. The important things.

I woke up to the alarm yelling at me. It was way to loud for my sleep deprived ears.

Yet again, another painful night. Its never ending. I was miserable. The usual. What is it, three weeks now? I don’t know what its from. I have this and that to blame, but Im not a doctor. I don’t know if it’s something to worry about. My brain says not to worry about it. My brain says I hate you, this is what you deserve.

As Fiona Apple sings to me, I sit and stare out of the window at the coffee house. I came here to work on some art in a safe location. I worked maybe 20 minutes. I have nothing to show for it except dirty hands.

Honestly I don’t even have much to write about. My stomach hurts. Thats all.

I was pretty much stuck at home on Monday. Anticipating a bad storm that never really happened. I didn’t do a damn thing on Monday. I didn’t want to do anything. I vomited twice. I showered twice. Thats all I had to show for the day. Some accomplishment huh? I tried to work on art. It didn’t last long. I tried to watch movies. It didn’t last long. I wanted to sleep all day, but that didn’t happen either. Fucking Pathetic.

And Im here again…a forgotten entry…an unfinished entry. Like all of the others.

This afternoon I came home to no eletricity. I never lost electricity…until this afternoon. A blue sky was emerging…the sun was coming out…

I wasn’t thrilled. I wanted to come home and make more coffee, nevermind the fact that I had just come from a coffee house.

Okay, no electricity, fine, I figured I’d just drive somewhere to get more coffee real quick before picking up Evelyn and Warren. Nope.my car wouldn’t start. So I tried again …nothing. Awesome. A dead battery. I now longer had enough time to get more coffee. I wasted too much time transfering all my shit, and Evelyn’s car seat into my sisters car.

Lets recap…stomachs in pain, want more caffine, come home to no electricity, head now hurts, car won’t start, not enough time left to get the caffine I want, (but don’t need) …..fast forward, come home from work to a not so pleasent situation, stomach hurts, head hurts, tired…so fucking tired.

I’m told I’m a mess. Again.

Gee….I’m so glad they noticed, and here I was worried that people would never know about the disaster in my head.

I fucking know I’m a mess. But please, remind me again and again so I can have more shit to throw around up there.