I visited the future….bad news…
Headaches. Brainaches. Throat aches. Stomach aches. Thigh aches. Stare off into space aches. Mess aches. Fake smile aches. What the hell is wrong with me aches.
Life aches!
How do I cure all of these aches?
Not knowing aches!!!!!!
Monday- Therapy. Pointless. I had nothing to say. I spent much of the time staring at counselor. No therapy next Monday, Labor Day. I forgot about Labor Day, perhaps for the best. I have grown to hate Labor Day. Labor Day was once a very bad day for me. A whole day open for me to do things I shouldn’t be doing. I will see when I get there. I don’t want to get there.
Tuesday- I was very tired. Annoyed. Engaged. Blood. The usual.
Today, No Wednesday- I was Very tired. Engaged to many times. Blood. A bit more than the usual.
Thurday, right now- In bed with too much thoughts. I’m tired. My feet are itchy from several bug bites. Throat hurts. I’m thirsty. The thought of having to wake up tomorrow makes me want to scream. I won’t scream, I don’t scream. We all scream for ice cream. (or scream at ice cream for being such cruel joke)
I have really been wanting to read A Clockwork Orange. I don’t have my copy. It’s been checked out of my (malenky) biblio. So what if I have read it several times, A Clockwork Orange is my security book. I could viddy the sinny, but the book is real horrorshow.
I speak fluent Nadsat.
Or not.
The random positive for this entry-I went to grab some coffee after dropping off a dvd at the library yesterday. While satnding in the short line and racking my brain with what I wanted to order (which is sad considering it was Star Bucks and I pretty much knew that I was there for coffee, and just goes to show how bad I am at making such simple decisions) I ran into few people from work. Well they more or less ran into me, but anyway, It was Ada, Cindy, a mother and daughter from Friends (my old work place) and then another parent from Friends. It was pretty exciting …a lame kind of exciting. I was really happy to see them all, and it helped to Not much goipick up my mood a little. It was suddenly like a small reunion of sorts, and I’m sure it gave the barrista a headache knowing that he would now have to make a lot of drinks in a short period of times. As I ordered my coffee and pulled out some cash to pay for it, on of the Friends parent pulled out some money and decided to pay for everybodies drink. I couldn’t believe it, there was six drinks in total. I didn’t want to accept his offer, but I did because he did that out of kindness and it was something he wanted to do. I want to pay it forward some how, because little acts of kindness go a long way. So seeing my friends and having that happen, made me feel a lot better.
Thursday night-Not a whole lot going on at the moment, its subject to change. The day started off with me waking up from a really weird and scary dream about the near future. In the dream, everybodies everything was planned and controled by the government. It was awful. All choice was gone. We lived where we were told to live. In large square grey and minimalistic buildings. Almost like apartment complexes but our freedom of space was gone. Open, so all could be seen.We lived with who we were told to live with. We worked where we were told to work. We felt how we were told to feel, and if you felt differen’t from that, you had to hide so no one could see. In the dream, I wanted to cry, but I wasn’t allowed. I tried to find places to hide, but no place was safe. I was tense and afraid. I wanted to look for a place to die. I hated everything about this life, because in the dream, I knew about the past, and the freedom. I was from the past, but some how stuck in this future. I was placed right in the middle of it all, and left to figure out the workings of this new future life. Basiclly, it was Hell.
Message in a dream much?
I’m glad its over. I have a lot of reaccuring dreams, but I hope this is a dream land I will never revisit. I made sure not to throw a coin over my shoulder into the Hell fountain. I would be happy to return to Rome someday, but not dream hell.
Heres to hoping tonights dreams are filled with awesome shoes and rainbow colored koala cloud cars that can swim in bubble gum scented water.
Sweet dreams!