hunker down

I had a pretty good day. Its nice to say that.

I was in a better mood today. I’m not sure why. Physically speaking, I feel the same.

I am thinking that my mood was better today because of simply meeting up with a friend for a little.

I continue to make an effort each weak to go to my group, but for about two months now, my friend and I have been the only ones to show. Its unfortunate because it was nice having actual (small) group support. For a little while, the group was coming along, and a real group atmosphere was forming. I understand everybody has their own problems and issues to deal with, and I understand people have their own ways with dealing and coping with their problems. I can’t be upset with people for not showing. That wouldn’t be fair. Its just frustrating sometimes. People who have somewhat taken on a leadership role have stopped communicating with others about meeting info. There is no actual leader, because when in a support group, its everbodies group equally, but what I am refering to is people who initially formed the group, etc…Maybe mostly I worry about them. When reaching out dosen’t work, what do you do? Its okay to back down from that sort of role. I get that, its understandable. It can be helpful for somebody to do that, I’m sure, who needs to take on all of that? But it could be helpful for the person to maybe ask if somebody else would be willing to take on that role. Right? Or wrong, I don’t really know. Either way. It’s just my oppinion. I’m not one to be good a leadership position, it’s just not in my nature. Maybe its not fair of me to say anything about it. Anyway, after discussing this with my friend from group, and not in an accusing bashing judgemental sort of way, but in a what might be good for our group sort of way, we are thinking about trying to reach out again, and seeing how they would feel about us making new fliers and adding our phone numbers to the initial contact list for possible new group members. With all of that said, I would really want to make sure to let the other person know that they have my support no matter what, and that I am still very thankful for even having the group in the first place. It’s not as if they had to start it up, I’m sure they already had a lot to deal with in the first place. It really takes a lot to even take the first steps to start a group. I think it will be best to keep reaching out for now. I think perhaps it would still be too soon, I would hate to have the person think that I have givin up on them, because thats not the case. The group has been, and will continue to be helpful for me, but in order for it to continue, there needs to be some what of a group. There are other groups, which is great, but its nice to have a local group. The place, the time and the day work out for me. I know that makes me sound selfish, and I suppose it is selfish of me, but when it comes down to it, it still takes a lot of effort for me to even attend the local meeting. Again, I am so grateful for the other groups, even if I have never gone to any of the other meetings, but things like work and gas money play a role. If I don’t work,(because the meetings overlap work time) how do I get gas to drive to a meeting thats out of the way?(by 1 hour) How do I find somebody who is completely available to help me get to an out of the way meeting that is irreavalent to them. I don’t know?? Perhaps their is a way, I just havn’t discovered it yet.

I think my rant is over now. I don’t want to leave it without saying that with even just the on mh e other person, its still been helpful. My friend is very supportive. I havn’t felt any sense of destruction etc… and I hope she has felt that way with my support aswell. Althoug I often wonder If I am even providing any sort of support. I don’t always know what to say , and I don’t often have helpful advice, (not yet atleast)but I do listen.

…Damnit…this is getting of topic, but now that I realize it, I have been spelling listen as ‘listin’ through out much of my entries, and each time I would think it looked weird spelled out, but clearly I know why now. I have no idea why this just clicked after all this time. Listen everybody, I know how to spell listen, I have for many many years now, yet I wasn’t really listening to myself now was I? I have also came to realize that I have been spelling dear as the animal deer. I would wright something like I love her deerly, but I’ve meant dearly. I knew that too, because I usually don’t love people like a deer. I don’t know how deer feel about love. Sorry deer if I have dissed you in anyway. Maybe you all are haters, but how would I know?? Wheres Bambi?

I feel a little better now that I have admitted to myself and others my exact nature of my wrong word usage and spelling. This whole sentence…entry…diary… has a shit ton of ‘bad word usage’

For that, I am sorry. I am sorry to the ones who may be bothered by poor grammer atleast.

The other morning while driving the kids to school….the whole two minutes it takes…they started an argument. They argue all the damn time and it drives me crazy because the arguments are so very ridiculus. Anyway, I can’t even remember how it began, but Warren said to Evelyn to "just suck it up" Clearly this was a new expression to Evelyns ears, because she spat back "well why don’t you just eat and chew your food, then suck it up!" To which I bursted out laughing, and left Warren quite confused. Then this started a new argument about chewing food, and Evelyn went on to Warren about some how dosen’t seem to eat his fish sticks the correct way. This made me laugh more, but It probably pissed off Evelyn even more because I was laughing at her. We were on the dawn of an whole new argument, but thankfully the two minutes passed and we were at school. I then Laughed all the way home.

Also, the other day, Warren and Evelyn were excited to tell me all about how they watched the movie The Parent Trap (Lindsay Lohan version) over winter break. They were quite fond of the movie, I know because they were nealry pouncing up and down while asking me if I remembered this part and that part. (which I did because im a huge loser dork and remember every bit of the movie, qoutes included) Evelyn was trying to recall Meredith Blacks name (you know, the bad ‘guy’ of the movie…she’s the bad guy, haha) She kept trying to spit out her name, but remembering names isn’t a talent of hers. She was calling Meredith Black, "Mega Black" I got a good laugh out of that too.

But then I got laughed at because when Warren was showing and telling me all about his marshmallow shooter he got for christmas, I asked him if it was helpful when it came to making snowmen. ?????????????????????, yup! I am not sure why I thought that, but it was a legit question. What the hell do marshmallows have to do with snowmen?

Caleb and Josh made me want to haul ass out of Barnes and Noble last night. Kids will be kids, but they thought it was very awesome and exciting to watch themselves on the camera monitor screen while dancing a rather embarassing dance. For the whole store to see!! Kids love to see themselves, but really, do you have to dance like that? In their own little world. In s store full of people. I pretended I didn’t know them. It wasn’t

me who was responsable for them. ha. I had to stop them, and tell them it was time to go. I’m not sure where they came up with the dance, but it was a cross between gangnam-ish style with possible ninja moves, with two left feet, with hoping and maybe galloping, and of course plenty of laughter and fascination.

Guys, the realyy cute Chris Barnes and Noble guy was working last night, I couldn’t stick around. (I am acting like I’m in high school again) But then I felt bad for stopping Caleb and Josh, they were having a jolly good time.

I am a huge dork and enjoy watching really random videos on you tube. I come around to funny new people from time to time. Like Ed Bassmaster for example. I came across his videos a while ago, and they crack me up, but the other day, I found that his mom makes her own prank style videos aswell. Beatrice Steinberg. Like Ed, she has a few diferen’t characters she plays, but this one kills me….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XVVvqQCE2I

I have no idea if the link will work but its called Hurricane Sandy,by Beatricesteinberg.

I don’t know why I find this so funny. Its when she says "hunker down" and "back to you" hahahahaha!!!!!!! Its not even funny, but its so funny. I have been laughing for two days now. I am all alone and I just start laughing!