for Peety’s sake…

Heres a random ass question for you…why the hell are raisins called raisins? They should be called shrivelins instead! They are little pices of dried fruit that have shriveled and shrunk in the sun. When did they ever rise? Maybe the grape vine rose in the sun, but the raisin sure as hell didn’t. I guess its because saying I ate raisins sounds a whole lot better than I ate shrivelins! 

Heres a sad story for you…I grew up thinking crows were called shmock birds and gravel was called pecker rocks. Its true! I also believed fireflies turned into french fries when you cooked them, and for a very long time I thought french fries were called anch fries. So really fireflies turned into anch fries! I beleived that pickles grew on trees, and even tried planting a "pickle seed" and waited for a rather long time for my damn pickle tree to sprout in my garden. I thought the same for pennies, and I am still waiting for my penny tree! My mom convinced me that her best friend was born from a vultures egg in the zoo! I truly thought she hatched from a giant egg! It took me forever to figure out the truth. My mom had my sisters and me wholeheartedly believe in Santa for the longest time. The things she did to make Santa seem so real was crazy. One year she made white foot step prints going down the stairs that lead to the christmas tree. She used baby powder for the prints but damn if we didn’t think it was snow, nevermind the fact that it didn’t melt…it was magic North Pole snow. Another year she some how got ahold of a deer tail (have no idea where or how..) and stuck it inbetween the crack of the front door. My sisters and I felt super cool because we had Rudolf’s tail. We also thought we were the sole owners of Santa’s hat. We bragged about it to our friends. We were convinced that we had a family elf named Twinkle Toes that watched over us during the year. She would leave stuff around the house, like new little toys or something and say it must have been Twinkle Toes that left it. We would always run around with barefeet everywhere in the summer and my mom would say watch out, don’t cut your foot. We knew what the meant, it meant do step in dog doo, but we also thought that stepping in dog poo would indeed cut your foot open! I believed that all vacumes had names, our vacume’s name was peety! I remember my mom saying " go get peety" and we would know it was time to vacume! (and I think that is where I got the whole personify objects thing) And this is just a few things my mom has done to us…gee thanks mom! hahaha!

I also manged to form many beliefs of my own with out my mothers help! I thought that booby traps were big holes with real boobs inside of them. I thought that the people on the news…the news anchors…. could see you through the screen (only news anchors) there for when the news was on tv I wouldn’t dare do anything embarassing. I thought Ellen Degeneres’ name was Ellen The Generes, like Alexander The Gewat or something ( which is really sad considering I wasn’t all that young when I believed that!) Remember the Miss Mary Mack song? Well I thought my moms friend Candy was the real Miss Mary Mack, (couln’t tell you why??)and always wondered way she never dressed in black with silver buttons all down her back! Those damn songs that had those special handshake things…they had me believe all sorts of things, like if Miss Lucy’s baby could eat the bathtube, why couldn’t I? And maybe this was only a local commercial…but the old Saiontz and Kirk commercail that stated "if you have a phone, you have a lawyer!" yeah…I was pretty confused by that one, I wondered why I didn’t know who my lawyer was because after all we did have a phone. To me a Lawyer was like the family doctor, I knew I had Dr. Morris, but who the hell was my lawyer? At the time I had no clue what a lawyer was but it didn’t stop me from wanting one! And again there are so many more examples to this too…

No wonder Im a mess. haha