bright orange bag!

I never know what to day with days off.

I had therapy earlier today. It went a little better this time. I think I still like her! After therapy I went and got coffee, visited Plato’s Closet, then Goodwill, then came back home. I had nothing to do, and didn’t feel like doing anything. I get myslef into trouble at home, so I usually stay away. Today was no differen’t. Now my throat and tongue hurt! Stupid! Stupid Stupid. Its been a week since I have kept any sort of actual food in my stomach. I eat, but then purge everything, If Im not doing that, Its complete restriction, with the exception of liquids. Coffee has been my main meal everyday. I feel like I have this streak going. How long can I last? I seem to be doing just fine as of now, so I don’t feel worried about anything! Not that it means all is fine, I just feel fine! And im rolling with that for now. I am so terribly hungry. (gee, wonder why?) I want to eat everything and nothing at the same time! Its to bad I cant have both.

I purged three times today, thats three times to many! The second was ridiculus. I purged a few veggie straws and diet soda. Why?? Oh right, no food is allowed to stay in my stomach.

Today while waiting a good 15 minutes for the couselor, a girl came in the waiting area with a McDonalds bag. She then proceded to stuff her face with the poison, and I wanted to scream at her. Thats certainly not fair for me to feel that way. Perhaps she was starving and this was the first time she was eating something in a while, I dont know her story. I can’t judge somebody based upon that. I suppose I was annoyed because I too was starving and wanted to do the same. I wanted to stare, and watch the whole process of her consuming her meal, but I had to force myslef to look at a magazine that held no meaning what so ever. I was annoyed with the sound of her eating, the smell of the food, the fact that she was eating fast food. But Im sure if she were consuming broccoli and spinach I would have felt annoyed too. Annoyed and jelous! I wanted mostly just to leave and walk out of the office and head home to binge and purge. Or maybe just run away! Thankfully a couselor called her in for her session, so the whole predicament was solved before I did such a thing!

There is a group meeting tonight. I hope it goes a bit better this time around. Maybe this time I will contribute something. I think it really depends on the moment though! We’ll see when the time comes. Sometimes I’d rather listin! 

Last night I had some fun! Thats always a good thing yea? I need to make more time to have fun. But then again I can say I have been able to add more of it to my days recently! Im quite thankful for that! 

Good news on the work front as summer camp approaches! I will be working more hours and will even get a small raise. I think I can handle that! Its much needed. I enjoy summer camp and it keeps me busy! I’m a little afraid my lack of energy will interfear though. I will work through it……I will do my best to work through it! Last year was tough, but I made it through just fine. (kind of) 

I have a little scratch on my knuckle that looks like a heart. Im not sure how it got there but at least its a cute scratch! 

I also have a big blister on my ankle that just dosen’t want to heal. Its no fun, seeing as its holding me back from comfortably wearing many of my shoes. Whats the best way to heal a blister, its kind of scabed over but kind of not. I don’t know. But its bothering me and its all itchy. And Its in a an unconvienient spot, I keep bumping it on things.

My toes are cold! 

I want to buy a bunch of cute dresses from Urban Outfitters. To bad Im poor! Damnit. Why must there be so many cute clothes? And why must I want so many of them? Actually there is a lot of not so cute clothes out these days…or clothes that would look completely silly on me at least! Like all of those long dresses…what are they called again? anyway, I really like alot of them but Its not fair, Im really short. If I were to wear one of them (not that they would even fit me right) I would look like I was being swallowed by a huge sheet of fabric! And they are everywhere too. I see a pattern I like on a dress and go to check it out but wait…no….not fair!!!! Too long, won’t fit right! Being really short can work for many things, but it can work against a lot of things too…like tons of clothes!! Lame!!!  But what can I do? Not a damn thing! 

Group is at 7pm…maybe I should get myself going, considering my recent issues with time managment!