about the soup.

Save yourself some time and just skip over my whole lotta complaining that follows.

I woke up not feeling well, although to say I woke up isn’t really the truth. I rolled out of bed not feeling well makes more sense. I did get some rest, unrestful rest, but rest is rest. I think I got about three or four 20 minute intervals. It’s better than nothing. I had to get up my usual time this morning because it was back to school from winter break. I didn’t feel like I was going to make it out of the door this morning. I was putting makeup on, but had to sit down to try and finish it. I was feeling a bit weak and it felt as if I was going from hot to cold, hot to cold. I wanted to vomit, but I pretty much knew that feeling came from the lack of food that has been in my stomach. As much as I would have welcomed vomiting (ugghhh, thats gross. I know) I did not have the means to do so. I had a few saltine crakers, but It wasn’t enjoyable. After I got the kids to school, I came home and laid back in bed. I wanted to sleep,  but like always, no matter how tired I feel, sleep seems to be afraid of me or somethng. I did however, fall asleep after awhile, except not for long, because staying in bed is not an option. After I woke up…in the pm, I ate a little, then purged. STUPID!!!!!!! Then I left the house, went to the coffee shop quickly, picked up some soup, and then picked the kids up from school. Why the hell did I go all the way to the coffee shop that was out of my way? Because, I had/have no food at home that I feel safe to consume, and because I am very very broke right now, and my only seeable option was to go to the coffee shop where I still had money left on my gift card. Infact, at the moment, coffee shop gift cards are my only funds, thus any need or want has to come from a coffee shop until this Friday. I’m lucky to have gas in the car because last time I checked, gas isn’t being sold at starbucks or any other local cafe. And I don’t think the local cafe patrons are willing to barter either. The good news in this, is that I did eat the soup. It only took me about four hours to finish it this time. I got the same soup Monday night, it took me six hours then.

Embarassing, yes. I felt like a dipshit. I went over to a friends place for a little bit Monday night. Before hand, I stopped at said coffee shop to sit down with some coffee and soup. That was around 5:30pm, I finished the soup at around 11:30pm. I could not just sit and finish it in one sitting. It felt frightening. Scary soup…watch out..it might get ya! It was very tasty, It is very tasty…I would like to have more actually, but then theres the whole feeling like a crazy person returning to the same place several times in a row for the same damn thing..its not a busy ass starbucks…people remember shit…Excuses excuses. I know.

Anyway…soup…yeah. Soup isn’t as hard as othher foods. Oh right, I did purge some tonight. Not planned, and not the whole lot of it, but still, a huge waste.

This Is why I have been feeling llike shit, and this is why I continue to complain.

back to Monday night. It was nice though. Heres more pathetic-ness to share, I usually don’t ever have shit to do on new years eve, that is unless I have been asked to babysit. I’m not that cool, I don’t know where the cool stuffs going down because I don’t have people to inform me. Nor do I care enough to go out on my own to find whatever it is that many do do news years eve. (did that make sense) See…I don’t go to parties, I don’t have people for that, and the people…aka, the one person, I do have, usually goes to another friends party, and I was the usual go to person for babysitting. This year she had another babysitter, but thats all there is to that story…so yeah, I’m a loser, yet, I do nothing about it. eh? Oh well. But this year, I was invited somewhere. My new(ish) friend who I met from my group invited me over. It was really nice of her to invite me, ha, It’s not something Im used to. But I did go, and It was fun. I didn’t go for the whole night, I ended up leaving around 11pm because I was supposed to meet up with my sister…who left me hanging by the way (but its not a complaint!!) It was pretty laid back, she had a few other friends over, and it was good to meet new people. I don’t think it was much like many of the average(?) new years eve get togethers I have heard/seen, but I liked it. It was a get together sans the alcohol. (sounds so exciting huh?) But I personally don’t like to drink and there were others in the ‘can’t drink’ (again personal reasons) party. It dosen’t much matter to me how others like to party, I am open and accepting when it comes to party life, just as I am open and accepting to most evreything else kind of life…and I say ‘most’ because I can’t personally accept the kind of life that includes things like animal or human abuse….you know what I mean right? And I am getting way off course anyway, this had nothing to do with anything, I am going off in another unrelated tangent. haha….But I just wanted to say that however you chose to celebrate is great, and I’m glad you did, and I was just originally trying to paint a picture of how I spent the night, not that it really mattered anyway huh? I had a good time, and its nice that others had a good time. Thats all. And if your celebration started of with soup, then hey, we have something in common. Although, I hope most had a more exciting begining.

And going back to the soup for a few more words..ignore this if you wish, There was other food at my friends house, but I didn”t feel comfortable eating it, so when I broke out the soup, I felt silly. I didn’t feel like explaining things…I wasn’t goint to be like " listin, I have this soup here to eat instead because I have yarn up in my head, and well, I don’t know what you all know about yarn, but let me tell you, yarn does not favor pizza. It prefers really exciting soup!" "Now, tell me everybody else, if you don’t mind, what is it thats up in your head, and why does it prefer pizza to soup in a group atmosphere?"

I do hope that was ignored.

Who the hell cares if I ate soup anyway. I shouldn’t have to make reasons and excuses for my soup intake. It is what it is. ha.

Moral of the story?

Soup. Thats it, nothing more.

Eat soup. And eat it whenever and whereever the hell you want.

And don’t purge it, because I can tell you this much, I am feeling rather shitty since I did so.